IF YOUR CHILD FIGHTS What should parents do if you notice signs of aggressive behavior in your child, if you have to listen to constant complaints from caregivers or teachers that he hit, pushed, or fought someone? 1. Firstly, it requires parents to show unconditional love for their child in any situation. Do not use statements like: “if you behave this way, then mom and dad won’t love you anymore!” You cannot insult a child or call him names. You need to express disapproval regarding a specific wrong action, rather than assessing the child’s personality as a whole. 2. If a child asks you to play with him, give him attention, and you cannot do this at the moment, then do not brush the baby off, do not get annoyed with him. It’s better to show him that you understand his request and explain why you can’t fulfill it at the moment: “Do you want me to read you a book? Baby, mommy loves you very much, but I’m so tired from work. Please play.” alone today." And one more important point - there is no need to bribe your child with expensive toys, gifts, etc. For him, your immediate attention is much more important and necessary. “If you want to raise good children, spend half as much money and twice as much time on them” (E. Seldon) 3. If you do not want your children to be brawlers and bullies, then you must learn to control your own aggressive impulses . We must always remember that children learn techniques of social interaction, first of all, by observing the behavior of the people around them (primarily their parents). As popular wisdom says: “Children dishonor us when they behave in public the way we behave at home.”4 Physical methods of punishment (slaps, slaps, flogging) are completely unacceptable. On this occasion, Pythagoras wrote many centuries ago: “Do not force children to shed tears too often, otherwise they will have nothing to drop over your grave.” 5. In no case should you suppress the manifestation of aggression by a child, otherwise suppressed aggressive impulses can cause serious harm to his health. Teach him to express his hostile feelings in a socially acceptable way: in words or in drawings, modeling, or with the help of toys, or actions that are harmless to others, in sports. Translating a child's feelings from actions into words will allow him to learn that he can talk about them, and not necessarily immediately give them to the eye. Also, the child will gradually master the language of his feelings and it will be easier for him to tell you that he is offended, upset, angry, etc., rather than trying to attract your attention with his “terrible” behavior. 6. If a child is capricious, angry, screaming, throwing fists at you - hug him, hold him close to you. Gradually he will calm down and come to his senses. Over time, he will need less and less time to calm down. In addition, such hugs perform several important functions: for a child, it means that you are able to withstand his aggression, and, therefore, his aggression can be restrained and he will not destroy what he loves; the child gradually learns the ability to restrain and can make it internal and thus control his aggression himself. Later, when he has calmed down, you can talk to him about his feelings. But in no case should you lecture him during such a conversation, just make it clear that you are ready to listen to him when he feels bad. 7. Show your child the ultimate ineffectiveness of aggressive behavior. Explain to him that even if at the beginning he achieves a benefit for himself, for example, he takes away another child’s favorite toy, then subsequently none of the children will want to play with him, and he will remain in splendid isolation. It is unlikely that he will be seduced by such a prospect. Also tell us about such negative consequences of aggressive behavior as the inevitability of punishment, the return of evil, etc. 8. If you see your child hitting another, first approach his victim. Raise the offended child and say:"Maxim didn't mean to offend you." Then hug him and escort him out of the room. Thus, you deprive your child of attention, transferring it to a playmate. Suddenly your child notices that the fun is over and he is left alone. Usually you need to repeat this 2-3 times - and the fighter will understand that aggressiveness is not in his interests. 9. It is necessary to establish social rules of behavior in a form accessible to the child. For example, “we don’t hit anyone, and no one hits us.” For children aged four years and older, the requirements may be more detailed. You might state, “We have a rule in our house: if you need a toy and another child is playing with it and won’t give it to you, wait.” 10. Don’t forget to praise your child for his diligence. When children respond appropriately, do your best to reinforce those efforts. Tell them, “I like what you did.” Children respond better to praise when they see that their parents are truly happy with them. You should not say: “Good boy” or “Good girl.” Children often don't pay attention to this. It's better to say, "You gave me great pleasure when you shared with your little brother instead of fighting with him. Now I know I can trust you to care for him." This kind of praise means a lot to children. It makes them feel that they can make a good impression.11. If a child complains to you that he is offended or beaten by other children, avoid advice like: “Learn to give change, you’re a man.” Children, not having a sufficient behavioral repertoire, sometimes unconsciously expand the list of situations and begin to “give change” right and left (someone accidentally touched or dropped his thing). 11. If you often have to listen to complaints about your child from caregivers or teachers, never start a conversation with him immediately after communicating with the teacher. Postpone the conversation for a while, when your emotions have cooled down and you can communicate calmly. It is necessary to talk with the child about his action without witnesses (class, relatives, other children, etc.). In conversation, try to use fewer emotional words (shame, etc.). First of all, listen to the child’s version of the conflict that happened without making value judgments. Voice that you understand his feelings (that he was hurt, offended, unpleasant). Pay attention to the feelings that the other participant in the quarrel might have experienced. Only after this, together with the child, analyze what happened, and if necessary, correctly express your disapproval of his action. And discuss how you could have done it differently. For example, if a child is teased and he attacks the offender with his fists, offer to react to the situation with humor. It is very important to teach a child the variability of behavior, the ability to respond adequately and variedly to life situations (sometimes to laugh it off, sometimes to simply avoid a conflict, sometimes to defend oneself by responding to an attack) 11. In the fight against aggression, you can resort to help fairytale therapy. When a young child begins to show signs of aggression, create a story with him in which this child is the main character. Using pictures cut out from magazines or photographs of the child himself, create situations in which the child behaves with dignity and deserves praise. Talk to him at a time when the child is calm and not nervous. When a child is in an emotional crisis, it is not easy to calm him down. 12. It is necessary to provide the child with the opportunity to receive emotional release in games, sports, etc. You can have a special “angry pillow” to relieve stress. If a child feels irritated, he may hit this pillow. In conclusion, it is important for parents to remember the following: aggression is not only destructive behavior that causes harm to others, leading to destructive and negative consequences, but it is also a huge force that can serve as a source of energy for more constructive purposes, if you know how to manage it. And the task of parents is to teach the child to control his.