The family system is not just one family: father, mother and child. Behind everyone are their parents, and behind every parent are their parents. The inner circle includes all members of a woman’s parental family and all members of a man’s parental family. That is why the birth of a new life affects all members of an extensive family system. Imagine that a stone fell onto the smooth surface of a river. Circles will appear in the water, and they will stir up the algae and disturb or encourage the fish. The fish may get scared and swim away, or they may come closer in search of food. The stone will fall to the bottom and raise mud, the transparency of the water will change. Similarly, the birth of a new life affects the entire family system. Family system constellations confirm this. Several generations of ancestors respond to this event. How can this manifest itself in real life? I will share client stories. Confidentiality is maintained. Situation 1.- What to do with the mother-in-law? She didn't pay any attention to my husband and me at all. That was good. I found out that I was pregnant and how a terrorist was invading our lives. At first I held back, then I started to get angry, my stomach began to hurt. I was scared. Maybe I should leave and not tell her where? 1.- The birth of a new life and the further birth of a child has a direct bearing on the mother-in-law, she is in your closest circle. Agree with this. Try saying out loud: “You are my husband’s mother. This is your place by right. You are the grandmother of my child. This is your place by right. Now you and I know this.” 2. Set boundaries: - Thank you for taking care of me and the baby . But he and I need a regime of wakefulness and rest. Now we will have this mode. - You are such a caring and attentive grandmother. Thank you. But the doctors told me that there is a minimum of contacts. The baby reacts to every change around me, it's dangerous. Please warn me so that I can prepare it for your arrival. My attitude towards myself and my time has changed, please ask, otherwise you may come, but I won’t open it for you, because I’m sleeping. Situation 2. - My mother tormented me with her calls. She calls and talks about how she will walk with the baby, how she will teach him everything, She is even ready to sleep with him. He offers to put her a bed in his future room. I don't want it that way. My husband and I have completely different views on how we will raise our child.1. Agree that this is exactly the reaction in your family system that was caused by “circles on the water.” This is the law! Don't argue with him.2. Do not argue with your mother and do not convince her. These are just her words and dreams for now. But no one really knows what will happen. It may happen that it will be enough for your mother to live the role of grandmother in her dreams. Important! A child is not born from grandparents, aunts and uncles. He is born from mom and dad. And only parents are responsible for his development and maturation. Even if he lives with his grandparents, the responsibility will be only parental. Dear readers, I rejoice at your responses to my thoughts and thoughts! Thank you for your comments and your “thank you.”© All rights reserved. Reprinting an article or fragment is possible only with a link to this site and attribution. Transformation game online and individually “My happy relationship” for any age and status.