Many of us, some from our own experience, some from observation, are familiar with this picture: “Modern children have no time to play, much less help their parents. They have long been freed from cleaning and walking the dog. They go to school, then to a tutor, to a sports section and an elective, and then they do their homework until late at night. And they see from our faces that our approval, love, the whole meaning of their existence depends on the “excellent” rating. Mom and Dad - as the child's concierge, personal assistant and secretary." When a child needs to choose what he wants to do in his adult independent life, such parents are sincerely surprised that their children do not know what they want to do, where they want to go to study, etc. Children are not ready for an independent life, where they must choose, make decisions and, as they say, “be responsible for the market.” And who taught them this? Until the age of 18, parents rejoiced at an obedient child. Each mother must decide for herself what is more important for her: for the child to do what she considers necessary for him, or to become independent. “Be yourself!” we hear, “even from the iron”! But not many children manage to be themselves with “loving” parents. As a child, the daughter of one of my colleagues told this mother: “I envy the children from the orphanage - no one loves them!” I am not advocating leaving everything to chance. I encourage you to plan your child’s education and leisure time together with him, and not instead of him. We are infected with receiving various insignia for our child: diplomas, ratings, points! One mother said just that: “when we stand on the podium…”, I want to say: “Excuse me, who exactly is standing there?” We make demands on the child, from which he will then not be able to free himself; they will follow him on his heels. This is what we are all familiar with under the word perfectionism. We try to warn every step of the child so that he doesn’t “break the woods.” By doing this, we take responsibility for our life away from our child. Every child must go through this themselves - first, “break the woods,” and then “settle it,” perhaps with our help. One of my clients came with a tragedy: “I pulled my daughter out of any shit, now she is sick with alcoholism. I'm powerless." We, of course, want our children to be happy, but we forget to ask them: “What is happiness for you?” One of my 17-year-old clients, with resentment in her voice, says: “my mother is not interested in anything other than studying.” “Study is the path to perfection” - perhaps, but not the only one! Children want to be loved, not perfect. Such a child may live the rest of his life worried about not being able to be perfect for his mother. And, my mother’s motto is: “there is no limit to perfection.” For some reason, we think that if our child does not enter a prestigious university, he will not have a future. “Or we are simply afraid that in the future we will have nothing to show off to our friends and will not have stickers on the back window of the car. Yeah.“!