- What do you want to become when you grow up?- I want to dance, but my mother said that this is nonsense. We need to go into medicine so that we can treat her later when she is old. Anya did just as her mother wanted. I went to study to become a doctor, but never graduated. While still studying at the institute, she got married and gave birth. I didn’t leave the academy. While on maternity leave, she took a course in office management and a friend of her husband took her to work at a law firm. Every day Anya goes to work with the thoughts “I wish this day would end soon,” and at work she feels bored, dissatisfied, and irritated. Anya hides all these experiences behind a mask of politeness, helpfulness and tact. She is generally a delicate, sensitive, creative person, but she has to sit behind pieces of paper and manage electronic document management. Colleagues often disturb Anna’s workspace. For example, they can turn on the computer without permission, put a cup of coffee on the table, or leave their papers. This terribly infuriates Anya, but she’s wearing a “mask.” Therefore, her colleagues do not see her feelings. Mom sometimes comes (they live in neighboring houses) on her only day off without warning, and even criticizes and blames: “I told you that I should have graduated from college, I didn’t listen to me, it’s my own fault!” » This also greatly infuriates Anya, but she agrees with her mother, she is afraid of offending her. Lately Anya has been getting sick often, her back is tormenting, apathy and loss of strength are increasing. Everything is somehow not the way I wanted. What did you want? Anya doesn’t even remember anymore. The only desire is to get out of this endless circle of everyday problems and understand yourself. Many people have similar experiences and circumstances. The cause-and-effect relationship stretches from childhood, when it was necessary to adapt and survive in society. It all starts in the parental family. The most important thing for a child is to feel that he is good, that he is loved, accepted with all his shortcomings and advantages. This is what he strives to get first from his parents, then from other people. The best way to gain acceptance is to become comfortable, compliant, efficient, quiet. This model of behavior is fixed as a script for adult life. But whose life is this? Himself or those significant loved ones who had expectations and the realization of their unfulfilled dreams? Obviously, life is alien. Unfortunately, many do not notice this, due to habit and established norms. And only strong experiences that flow into physical illness and the search for meaning bring a person back to himself. Ps. Anna's personality is a collective image from the real experience of my clients and my personal. Any coincidences are random. Tatyana Yakubovskaya, family and child psychologist. You can get my consultation or make an appointment here, WhatsApp, Viber +79221249223, Skype t9221249223 I invite mothers to my online course “Calm mother - happy child»