Why do conflicts often arise between adult children and elderly parents? How to warn them and establish contact? You show care and attention to your mother, and in response you receive the reproach “Why didn’t you call after work?!” You present your father with a gift that took about two hours to choose, and you are met with a barrage of criticism and disapproval. What's the matter? Why do older parents act as if they want to quarrel? In order to understand the reasons for this behavior, you need to understand the very nature of the relationship between you and your parents. When you were small and helpless, your parents meant a lot to you, they actually represented the whole world. Then you went to school and started your own social circle, starting to need parental attention a little less. In puberty, you completely dreamed that it – this attention – would be gone. In any case, your teenage rebellions were aimed at defending boundaries and were codenamed “Leave me alone!” Now you are an adult who has created his own family. Sometimes there is not enough time to visit your parents, and sometimes you don’t really want to come. Why? Because you know what exactly awaits you. What do we not like about a parent’s behavior? Criticism. Tough and uncompromising. When you give him his word, and he gives you ten. Moreover, these words contain a ton of accusations, claims and resentment; Manipulation. Especially when it comes to disease manipulation. When you feel guilty about your mother's health problems and put your own life on hold; Control. You are already 30, 40, 50, and mom and dad continue to ask questions like “Are you wearing a hat?” But let’s not dwell on this and dig a little deeper. What is hidden under this behavior of an elderly parent? A feeling of uselessness and abandonment. This is what creates resentment, aggression, pickiness and a lot of other “bonuses”. It is precisely because of the decrease in activity, which creates a feeling of uselessness, that a parent sometimes behaves like a child. How to improve relationships with elderly parents? Give them time and attention It is very important to show your love, talk about it, broadcast it. Do nice little things for mom and dad: be it a surprise visit with a bag of fruit, a heart-to-heart conversation on the phone, or something like that. Don't try to change your parent. When you understand that your parent will be the way he or she is, you remove an enormous burden from yourself. consisting of attempts to change another person. You won't be able to change your parents, but you can learn to accept them. Sometimes these two recommendations are enough to harmonize your relationship with your parents. This is what I sincerely wish for you!