We continue the thoughts started in the previous article https://www.b17.ru/article/411704/5. Rare praise Children always expect it with an approving look, parting words, support, hugs, and as a result they often receive comparisons with others: “Andrey’s mother is lucky with her son,” “Look, Natasha is doing well everywhere and is still an excellent student, and you?” I didn’t have this as a child, I was always confident in myself, but you’re afraid of everything.” Comparisons are necessary, but as a stimulus they only work if the child is compared with himself in the past, so that there is support on his achievements (“I was able to do it and now I can do it”) and a motive for growth and faith in success.6. Inconsistency of methods Very often, mom and dad cannot agree on how to raise their child, what methods of reward and punishment to use. As a result, children clearly understand for themselves - “I myself will set the rules and those that I want, since they cannot agree!” This is how manipulators grow up who apply methods on the weak links of the system, i.e. on those parents or people who are more flexible and do not have strength of character.7. Let's live together for the sake of the child. The family relationship between husband and wife has ended (we will not mention the reasons, in this case it does not matter), but a joint decision was made - to live together, creating the illusion of a family for the children. Such parents walk around with sad faces, and children, due to lack of experience, think: “If I hadn’t existed, then mom and dad would have lived better.” This way you can condemn a child to an unhappy childhood with the attitude: “I will never get married” or “I will never give birth to a child” because I want to become happy.8. Gadgets as a way to calm down a child Parents resort to them due to the fact that there is a lot of household hassle and workload. This is how neurosis, gaming addiction is formed, which turns into other types of mania in life, loss of interest in studies, aggression or isolation.9. A child as a bargaining chip A similar technique is used by immature parents. The son or daughter becomes the third person who settles quarrels and “passes messages” from mom to dad and vice versa. As a result, hello to the Karpman triangle in the form of the role of a rescuer with a search for victims and pursuers to provide assistance at the right time, which is the most serious destruction of a person. The above examples just describe the ways of forming certain people. The post turned out to be sad, unfortunately, but honest. And it was written only in order to realize the line that is failing and to outline changes in upbringing. Your psychologist, Katerina Agafonova