Note: information from the consultation is described with the client’s permission. Choice without choice: victim or rapist. At the reception, the client is conscious and well-read. She is savvy in matters of psychology. When asked if she had previously seen a psychologist, she answered that she had been in therapy for more than a year (she didn’t know the direction). When asked what didn’t suit her, she answered that she always left the psychologist in a disorganized state and this affected communication with her youngest child. But overall, there was some result. A request for a job to stop controlling my husband when he stays with the children. There is an alarm that he won’t finish checking and something will happen to them. It seems that he deliberately does not pay attention to them and does not react when they cry, as if he is mocking them. She immediately shared her insight that she looked like her father. And then I was horrified. She doesn't like being like dad. She doesn't like being a controlling pursuer and being in tension all the time. This is tiring and takes a lot of energy. Throughout his life, my father was an abuser. He brutally mocked my mother, beat her, and the children got it too. He has a younger brother. He is not into alcohol. In the difficult 90s, he built his own business. I was always on edge. And the household is worried: in what condition will the father return from work? At some point, the woman realized that she had become the one whom she condemned and feared most in the world. She chose to be like dad. And I remembered S. Freud’s phrase from the book “Introduction to Psychoanalysis”: “According to the first disconcerting statement of psychoanalysis, mental processes themselves are unconscious, only individual acts and aspects of mental life are conscious.” The main reason why this happened, in the process of counseling, we found. Another realization that came to the client during work: “Mom was a victim in her relationship with dad. But I definitely don’t want to be a victim.” It turns out that she unconsciously chose to become an abuser because she didn’t see another positive example in the family. The choice is limited to “victim” or “rapist”. At the end of 2 hours of work, a lot has already been worked out. Tests and MAC cards showed this. We went where the client was afraid to look: in her relationship with her dad. Processes are still going on in the unconscious, but the fear and anxiety of leaving children with her husband have decreased significantly. How can one not become either a victim or a rapist when in was there no other example for the family? Most likely, therapy, observation of the healthy relationships of others and the introduction of new behavioral habits are needed. We will continue to work. You can contact me for a consultation by phone +79501560363