I have already written about how to stop conflicts at the stage of their occurrence. But what to do if a quarrel has already occurred? That's it, all the offended people are sitting in their rooms and not talking. This applies more to family matters and closer people. What to do in this case? How to behave and how not to behave so that peace in the house is restored as quickly as possible? After all, no one likes a tense situation and atmosphere. Of course, there are some nuances: who quarreled with whom, what are the characteristics of one person, the other, even what gender the person is! After all, men and women make peace differently. For example, men often make the same mistake: after a quarrel, they leave their woman alone “let her calm down.” And for a woman there is nothing worse than this. She feels unnecessary, thinks that “he doesn’t care about everything, about our relationship, about me”... In the overwhelming majority, women should not be left alone with themselves after a quarrel. Otherwise, during this time, she will think up such a thing about herself that it won’t seem like much. And at the same time, exactly the same mistake on the part of women: they must find out everything here and now, sort it out, decide, decide. And a man most often just needs to give time to cool down. Yes, just give the opportunity to be alone, restore your calm state of mind, calm down. Then you can talk calmly and constructively. This is what men call “nawing and blowing their minds” - when they are pulled and provoked into a showdown at the most inopportune moment. In such situations, they may say too much and blurt out something that they don’t really mean, just to get rid of them. Then, of course, especially the advanced ones feel sorry and ask for forgiveness. But women take their words spoken in the heat of the moment at face value and do not want to hear any excuses. So it turns out... a conflict from which the parties were unable to emerge peacefully. So, there are several key rules on how to behave after a quarrel. Don’t rush things Sometimes we all need time to digest, think about, accept something within ourselves. Believe me, everyone needs this. I want to say - not only to you. Therefore, if you go for reconciliation, even admit your guilt, and in response you hear “Sorry, I’m not ready to reconcile yet” - don’t panic! We stock up on patience, remember that sometimes we also need time, and step aside with understanding. It is also important not to rush things in a situation where emotions are running high. Then everyone, without exception, should take a time out and calm down. And then continue the constructive dialogue. I'm sorry, but... If you decide to ask for forgiveness, then make sure how much you sincerely consider yourself to blame. Because the phrase “I’m sorry, but...” is not about forgiveness at all. It's about manipulation. It seems like at the beginning there is a softening, a demonstration of good will, a person weakens his internal defenses because he hears that he is being asked for forgiveness... and then the true goal of the entire performance arrives - accusation. Mirroring the I-message Many people know about the so-called I-messages, when in a quarrel it is recommended to talk only about your feelings, your desires, etc. Without blaming the other person. Those. “I'm annoyed because you're late. I wish I didn't have to wait." But you can also mirror his own I-messages to your opponent. Example: “I understand that you are annoyed that I am late. I understand that you wouldn’t want to wait for me.” Here the girl speaks with an I-message from herself, but at the same time she mirrors the man’s feelings. This significantly softens the intensity of passions, softens the reaction of the other person, because he understands that, it seems, he was heard, he was understood, he no longer needs to raise the degree of tension in order to shout about his pain. And at this point a constructive dialogue can begin. If you are really to blame, ask for forgiveness. It’s not always worth immersing yourself in a debriefing of the flight, in chewing on the details, remembering step by step all the stages of the conflict, explaining your reaction to each of them... this is a dangerous path, here you can end up in a quarrel again. But be sure to give