Raising children alone, however, like adopting children, no longer surprises anyone. Parents approaching divorce reserve the right to get rid of a failed relationship. But they all also unanimously recognize that divorce is harmful to their children. Numerous experiments in family psychology and psychoanalysis have made it possible to identify the main symptoms of children of divorced parents. Symptoms that appear mainly after the parents’ divorce are expressed in research: visible neurotic symptoms; anxiety; sleep disturbances and eating behavior (gluttony or lack of appetite); violations of discipline, deterioration in school performance; aggressiveness or dependence; hidden negative emotions increase: sadness, anger, shame, fear; guilt; intrapersonal conflict; difficulty making decisions, fear of making a mistake; understated or compensatory high self-esteem; susceptible to stress; perfectionism (the desire to be the best). Quite often it happens that parents do not notice changes in the child’s behavior, because they do not need additional “problems” in this situation. And in vain. Such actions can lead not only to behavioral disturbances and “tearfulness” of the child, but also to an emotional breakdown in relations with the child, to somatization of trauma (i.e., to withdrawal into illness). It should be noted that the child’s aggression can be directed at the “innocent » parent or both. The point is the fact itself, and not the fact that the child loves someone less and blames someone more. The child is more likely to express aggression towards someone who is suitable for such reactions. Most of his accusations are defenses against guilt. It is much worse when this guilt, like aggression, is directed at oneself. Is it worth saving a marriage if there is no longer any relationship between the parents? The answer to this question is: remember, children are happy when their parents are happy. If there is something to save, make every effort to do so. If there is nothing to save, try to get rid of what has already been lived and build a new one. When it comes to a second marriage, adults are often indignant, saying that everything is not so simple. But you should know that if parents have problems in their lives - be it personal, family, or social - then children are much less likely to listen to the advice of such parents. The logic of a child or teenager is easy to understand: my mother or my father tell me how to arrange their life, but, apparently, nothing good came of such arrangement. Why should I adopt their experience - in order to become just as irritated, tense and unhappy? What to do and how to behave? Explain to the child the current situation and that it is not directly his fault. Be more attentive to the child, let him experience this trauma - accept his bitterness or aggression, do not run away from them. Make the child happy, do not allow the fear of losing the other parent. Under no circumstances In any case, do not give additional stress in order to distract the baby. His ability to work may already be declining, and new failures will only complicate the situation. It’s better to do something together: draw, walk, read, go to the cinema. Don’t forbid communicating with someone who is “leaving the family,” i.e. with someone with whom the child will not live (most often this is the father). Do not under any circumstances project aggression towards your husband (wife) onto the child, eliminate from your vocabulary the phrases “You are the same as your father”, “You constantly do , like your mother." Do not criticize your ex-wife (husband) in front of your child, and especially do not force him to agree with what was said. For him, he is the same parent as you and he loves him no less. Try to improve your personal happiness and get married again. Don’t be afraid of going to a psychologist. If you see that it is difficult for both the child and you to survive this yourself, allow yourself to set everything up with the help of a specialist.