Imagine a situation, for example, you had a fight with your partner and allowed yourself, as it seems to you, a little too much - you raised your voice, said something that you didn’t really think, but you didn’t come to a resolution to the conflict .The situation has not been resolved, and you are worried. Because some kind of uncertainty hangs over, it seems like we had a quarrel, but it seems like we need to somehow further interact, it seems like we discussed the conflict, but it seems like nothing was really resolved. And often from this state it becomes especially difficult to maintain interaction - someone withdraws into themselves, someone pretends that nothing happened, someone begins to behave provocatively, as if saying: “Look how bad I feel because of this.” for you." At such a moment, something interesting happens - we begin to worry not only about the quarrel as such, but also about our feelings/reaction to it. Am I too angry? Will this quarrel lead to to break up? Why does this bother me so much? How does my partner perceive this quarrel, and what does he think? As a result, it becomes even more anxious and, often, resolving a conflict from such a state turns out to be even more difficult. What to do in such a situation? At such moments it is important First, track these feelings. To tell myself, I’m very anxious and scared right now. I'm still angry. Perhaps because I’m afraid of this, I’m worried that something might happen, etc. This will help to withstand feelings and anxiety, in particular, to make them more understandable, accessible, and non-destructive. Secondly, instead of resolving the conflict itself, offer the person a conversation about these experiences. Talk about your anxiety about the conflict. Say in words: “I now have no idea how to resolve the conflict, because it’s very difficult for me, and I’m overwhelmed with different feelings. But I would like to do this because you are dear to me. It's just that now I just want to swear. What about you?” This has the potential to establish contact even in a state of quarrel. And, despite the overwhelming feelings, build an invisible bridge to its resolution. And then to a conversation about what needs of the partners are manifested and affected at the time of a quarrel. Ivan Sanarvin - psychologist, clinical psychologist.