THE GIRL WHO DID NOT LOOK IN THE EYES This story happened a long time ago, about 15 years ago, I was then a novice therapist and sometimes I did things that I wouldn’t do now. For example, now at my first consultation with a family, the presence of adult family members is mandatory from beginning to end. And then... My parents came to me and literally “left” a seven-year-old girl for consultation. A first-grader with glasses. “She doesn’t look people in the eyes,” they said, “and she’s terribly tormenting our cat.” “How does she study?” – I asked. “She studies quite normally, no worse than others,” the parents answered. “Does she have friends?” – was my next question. The parents answered something incomprehensible and left, firmly stating that something needed to be done with the girl. We were left alone. I started talking, asking questions, as they say, exploring the life situation. It turned out that the girl was quite smart, she understood questions, answered adequately, and kept up the conversation. But he really doesn’t look him in the eye. That is, in general! Word by word, I began to slowly understand this girl. She was terribly lacking in love in this life. “You love your cat very much, that’s why you cuddle her like that?” - it dawns on me. “Yes,” says the girl and suddenly looks straight into my eyes. “Do you love her so much that you would just eat her?” “Yes,” the girl answers and continues to look me straight in the eyes. “You are also very kind to people.” do you love and need them? And you’re so angry at them that you’d kill them because they don’t love you? They don’t pay attention to you? “Yes,” and still looks at me. “And you don’t look me in the eye because you’re afraid that people will read all this in your eyes?” Both hatred and love?! “Yes,” the girl repeats again, and does not look away. The parents came. I don’t know how much I was able to explain to them about my daughter in the remaining 5-10 minutes. But this girl’s eyes have stuck with me for the rest of my life. I also remember how important it is for a person, be it an adult or a child, for someone to understand him clearly. At least I understood something. This need to be understood is very strong in people. When you manage to accurately understand someone during a consultation, even for a moment, it is healing and therapeutic. At such moments, a person feels that he is truly seen, seen for who he is. In everyday communication, people often do not see each other, but see a hellish mixture of their own projections, fantasies, idealizations and demonizations, labels and social stereotypes. When was the last time someone not only looked at you, but saw you? When was the last time you looked at someone and saw them for who they are? Close to its essence?