From the author: Why is sadness needed and how does it turn into depression. What is the role of grief? Nature has created us in such a way that we have everything we need to better adapt to the world. There are several basic feelings that make up the basic set for those events that are embedded in the life process. Life is unsafe and we have FEAR. A feeling that helps us determine the degree of danger and save ourselves in time. Our other assistant is ANGER. A feeling necessary for protection. To sustain us in this difficult and dangerous world we have JOY. And since life is impossible without losses, SADNESS helps us survive them. Each of these senses has a complex functioning system within the body. The central nervous system produces certain substances in a given order and pace, including those parts of our body that are necessary for survival. So, for example, in fear, blood flows to the extremities so that we can escape, and in joy, internal opioids are released, giving us a feeling of euphoria. Each feeling has its own emotions. It's normal to laugh when you're having fun and to be afraid when you're scared. It's okay to cry when you're sad. This is a very simplified diagram, but all these mechanisms are described in some detail and are available for independent study. I suggest you dwell on SADNESS. HOW SADNESS TURNS INTO DEPRESSION. In fact, life is a sequence of gains-losses-gains, etc. The circle does not open, and life does not end. We cope with the fear of the new and let a new day, people, events, things into our lives. We fill ourselves up, get used to it, love it all, and then we are faced with the fact that nothing is eternal. We can lose our phone, we can change jobs, move to another city, burn a hole in our dress. We part with things, places, events. Every evening we have to say goodbye to what we have lived in the morning and afternoon. In autumn we say goodbye to summer, and when we celebrate a birthday, we say goodbye to the year we have lived through. And, of course, we have to say goodbye to people. After finishing school, we say goodbye not only to childhood, but also to almost all our classmates. Children grow up and leave us. Someone leaves our lives, and someone leaves this world. This is how this world works. We find something and lose something all the time. We are used to most losses and don’t even notice them. But it’s hard to lose what was valuable and close to us. To help us cope with this process, nature created the feeling of sadness. A feeling that helps us cope with loss. The simplest understanding of sadness is mourning a loss, or grieving. From the word grief, which accurately names what we feel. We are hurt, hard and very sad. We have created entire rituals to make the grieving process easier. The bride was first mourned and only then celebrated; the end of school first occurs on the Last Bell, and then there will be graduation. Funerals are one of the biggest rituals in terms of significance, and mourning has its own clear deadlines. The grieving process has its own stages, each of which cannot be skipped. But the main feeling of the whole process, of course, is sadness. We have to mourn our losses. Tears not only have a bactericidal and analgesic effect, which has been proven by biologists. On a psychological level, tears are a balm for a wounded soul. There is a beautiful symbol of tears in the form of a river along which we can swim through the most difficult sections on the path of our lives. If everything is so perfectly arranged, then what is the problem? The whole point is that man is an imperfect being. And in order to live normally, he needs to constantly make efforts and improve. Life is like an escalator going down. To get up, you need to move your legs. In other words, we need to be able to grieve. Our parents must teach us. And they must be supported by the world of people. What happens in practice? Let's start with the family. DON'T CRY! Every family has its own rules about how to feelcan be expressed and which cannot. And if in your family there was a ban on the expression of sadness, then you had to repress this feeling. This does not mean that you have stopped experiencing it. This is impossible. But you stop expressing it outwardly. No tears, no sadness, no sadness. The energy released by the body is looking for a way out. Since she cannot express herself in a legitimate way (grief), she can exit through those feelings that have been resolved. Well, for example, fear. And then you become anxious and suspicious. That is, you are afraid more and more often than the situation requires. Or joy. And then you laugh at your losses, gradually turning into a sad clown, who is allowed to take off his mask only in his cramped dressing room, alone with himself. Or anger. And then you turn into a constantly angry person who gets angry with or without reason. If all feelings were prohibited in your family (and this happens quite often), then your body has to take on the entire burden of experiencing them. There is no need to say that the clinic becomes your second home. In addition to permission to express feelings, we need our parents to teach us how to do it correctly. Supported us in this process so that we could seek and accept support in adulthood. The main law in understanding the grief process is this: WE ARE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE ANY LOSS. IF ADEQUATE SUPPORT IS AVAILABLE. That is, people who died “of grief” simply did not have the necessary support. Neither external nor internal. Their inner parents were cold and cruel, and outside help was not enough. I didn't put quotation marks by accident. In the literal sense, you cannot die from grief. You can die from illnesses caused by feelings, or you can unconsciously allow the world to kill you. What about humanity? THERE IS NO DEATH. HAPPY END. Humanity was not always afraid of death. Once upon a time it respected her. People have always believed in their divine origin and understood that there was a great plan for the human soul. This means that its existence cannot be limited to a few decades. That is, transformation occurs constantly and our soul travels through time, changing its shells. All spiritual practices view death as a transition and a natural stage in the growth of the spirit. Never before has so much attention been paid to the bodily shell as in the last couple of hundred years. The more we move towards the material, the more we lose that without which life becomes more and more terrible. We have lost respect for death. And this means that there is nothing more to grieve about. Sadness has become an unnecessary attribute. Humanity wants to rejoice, not be sad. "Wipe your tears and rejoice!" Stories must end with a happy ending, the hero cannot die, and good defeats evil. Death is always evil, so it must be avoided in any way. “Dead” water has disappeared from the fairy tale. And people naively expect that they will only be saved alive. We have forgotten how and stopped grieving correctly. THIS IS THE MAIN CAUSE OF DEPRESSION. That is why it can be called a product of civilization. And that’s why my grandmother would say “you’re crazy, go get busy” in response to my complaints about depression. But I can't tell this to my clients. I know that their suffering is painful and not imaginary. Avoidance of the pain of loss, and in fact the fear of death, has led humanity to the fact that sadness has gone into the unconscious. And there it turned into depression. This transformation made the normal feeling of sadness excessive and painful. Depression is essentially chronic sadness. From the point of view of maintaining energy balance, it will be interesting to know where energy flows during depression? After all, classic depression looks like a decrease in: mood, activity, self-esteem, life perspective, ability to think. This is similar to how a full-flowing river goes underground when the ecology is disrupted. This is a very symbolic action that fairy tales will help us decipher. TALES ABOUT DEPRESSION There are many fairy tales about depression. This means that humanity has always understood the significance of the grieving process and gave people the necessaryrecommendations through such a form as legends. This is the most direct way to place knowledge about life into the unconscious. Faith helps people gain knowledge easier and faster. Modern man wants to understand and explain everything from a materialistic position, and therefore has lost the huge storehouse of wisdom contained in fairy tales, legends, and myths. And children now listen to adult stories about made-up characters that have nothing in common with archetypal symbols. And they contain information about the world order, the mechanisms of relationships and much more that we need to learn in childhood in order to become strong adults. But ignorance is no excuse. And the world continues to rape the Sleeping Beauties (in the fairy tale, a passing prince regularly took advantage of her, she even gave birth to children in her sleep), the Ugly Ducklings never find their swans, and the heroes are drowning in the swamps. The swamp in a fairy tale is one of the most common images that symbolizes the stage of grief or depression. And at the bottom of the swamp, as we remember, a golden key is kept. Symbolically, the key is the answer to the question. And the golden key is a wise answer, “worth its weight in gold.” And it will go only to those who overcome the fear of pain from sadness. In other fairy tales, the hero must go to hell. There he will get something without which it is impossible to reach a successful end. And only a few manage to pass this test. It is impossible to become whole without this feat. And it can be more difficult than chopping off the heads of dragons or catching the wind. Thus, the hero will have to grow up, encountering depression and coping with it. It won't be possible to escape. And now the main intrigue. What kind of question is it that needs an answer? What is it without which you are doomed to depression? This is not a secret question. Moreover, I'm sure you know him. WHAT IS A SENSE OF LIFE? We are designed in such a way that the search for meaning is a natural need of human consciousness. Therefore, we begin to suffer from a loss of meaning in our earliest meaningful childhood. All these children's questions “why” are about this. But if they didn’t answer us, then we could stop asking them. There comes a moment when hunger literally becomes unbearable. Finding meaning in material things, in other people, in any kind of attachment, we are doomed to the pain of loss. All this is temporary and impermanent. As soon as we become attached to something or someone, everything can end. And only the ability to experience losses and understanding the meaning of what is happening can help us cope with pain. DEPRESSION AS A LIFE SCENARIO Claude Steiner described three main life scenarios: “without love,” “without reason,” and “without joy.” Here is what he writes about the “no joy” scenario: “Most “civilized” people feel neither the pain nor the joy that the body could give them. The extreme degree of alienation from one’s body is addiction to drugs, but ordinary people who do not suffer from drug addiction people (especially men) are no less susceptible to it. They do not feel either love or ecstasy, they do not know how to cry, they are not able to hate. The head is considered the center of the human being, a smart computer that controls. a stupid body. The body is considered only as a machine, its purpose is considered to be work (or the execution of other orders of the head). Feelings, pleasant or unpleasant, are considered an obstacle to its normal functioning. People who are truly depressed have this attitude towards their body and feelings. And most often their depression is hidden. And their whole life is aimed at relieving stress from the lack of joy. Yes, experiencing joy is nothing other than a healthy need. And unsatisfaction of the need will inevitably cause tension and, as a result, pain. Life becomes a search for a “cure” to relieve pain. These could be real medicines or chemicals, or they could be different activities, hobbies, relationships. Wherever does a person run from depression? And to work, and to relationships, and to all sorts of courses, and to games, and to travel. And withOn the other hand, it is very difficult to distinguish whether all this actually brings joy, or just relieves pain. Therefore, behind every active manifestation, I look for signs of depression with a professional eye. And I’m very happy when I don’t find it. But this happens, unfortunately, rarely. So, we live in a deceptive fog that hides depression from view. It's not something I'm ashamed to admit. The problem is that the person himself does not immediately understand that he is depressed. After all, to admit it means to plunge into it. And people are afraid to experience pain. So they walk along the edge of the swamp all their lives, knee-deep in mud, in a vicious circle, under the illusion that everything is not so bad. Yes, somewhere there is solid soil, warm sand, mountains and seas, but it’s not bad here either, why take the risk?... The problem is that you can’t turn around and immediately step on solid, clean soil. You will have to cross the swamp, and this is too dangerous. It is important to know that the degree of danger does not depend on the depth of the swamp, but on the support along the way. We don't die from depression, it's only our fear of asking for help that kills us. Remember the parable about Nasreddin, in which he saved a rich man drowning in the city fountain? The crowd tried to save him and shouted: “Give me your hand!” And Nasreddin said: “on hand.” This is how we become greedy with ourselves and do not reach out to help us, even when there is a crowd of people around us who are ready to help. MANDATORY DEPRESSION There are stages in life when you cannot do without depression. And the most important thing is the mid-life crisis. A stage that is similar to a pass on a mountain that you have climbed and from which you now have to descend. Life passes the halfway point, and without a proper review of the accumulated baggage, its second half may not look like a pleasant descent, but like a fall. Depression during this period is inevitable. We have to say goodbye to youth, physical strength, children who have fled the nest, aging or deceased parents. But most importantly, with illusions. Not everything is ahead. Moreover, the end is already in sight. Yes, he is far away, but already visible. And reality appears before us in all its clarity and harshness. And if you don’t say goodbye to illusions, then the descent threatens with falls and fractures. Any experienced climber will tell you that the descent is more dangerous than the ascent. And you won't be able to relax. But if a person is too tired while climbing, then he wants to finally let go of himself and easily slide down the hill. Then we will see rapid aging and death. Depression will help us stop at this pass and find answers to questions without which we cannot go further. The path must be adult and conscious. Then there is the opportunity to enjoy the descent with controlled risk. And this pleasure is very different from children's reckless joy. If a person has lived for a long time without joy, fulfilling the expectations of others and climbing the mountain, then it is very difficult for him to force himself to work a little more to change the strategy. Therefore, most clients of psychologists and psychotherapists are middle-aged people. True, they do not come to work, but for a magic elixir that will relieve pain and will not force you to work. Those who survive the disappointment that such an elixir does not exist in the outside world and will have to look for it within themselves will overcome the crisis. Most will take Analgin and continue to relieve depression. DEPRESSION IS YOUR CHANCE Some good news at the end. There are two states in which we have the opportunity to learn about ourselves: love and depression. The first is with a plus sign, the second is with a minus sign. Both conditions have consequences. It is not known which has more good or bad. Therefore, do not waste time running away from depression if it overtakes you. Try to use it to recognize yourself and search for meaning. And remember, running away from depression is a sure way to go in circles. Better think about how to make this time not so terrible. Simple things will help you: taking care of your body, music, nature, communication with animals. These are aids, and nothing more. And also, find yourself a good psychologist. He will sit on the shore of the swamp and wait until you: