From the author: ARTICLE PUBLISHED IN THE MAGAZINE “IN THE CITY” SEPTEMBER 2012 Question for a psychologist. Hello! I have the most trivial problem. My husband cheated on me. What should I do and how should I behave in such a situation? I want to save my family, I love my husband, but I am very hurt by his betrayal. The husband said that it was a big stupidity on his part, and he really regrets that this happened. But this doesn’t make it any easier for me. His friends advise him to cheat too. But will this help me? And I don’t know how to behave with my husband in the presence of children. The children are already adults and have now taken my side and do not communicate with their father, they consider him a traitor. I want to make peace with my husband, but I feel somehow uncomfortable now in front of the children, and my sense of pride gets in the way. My head is spinning, I don’t know what to do right. Is there a recipe for recovery from such a disaster? Thank you in advance for your answer. Best regards, E.M. Answer: Hello, E.M! Yes, indeed, your situation is very difficult and painful, especially if adult children take an active part in it. In order to get out of it and maintain peace in the family, you will have to work in parallel in three important directions at once. The first is to point out to the children their hierarchical place as children in the family and “take away” from them all your pain and resentment towards your husband, which you shared with them. The second is to accept half the responsibility for what happened and realize that you did or didn’t do this, that your husband was forced to do this. And thirdly, you need to direct your husband to commit a very serious act towards you, so that he can return to the family with dignity and compensate for all the pain that he caused you. Change or change? A family is a living organism that needs constant growth and movement forward. In the life of every family there are ups and downs, periods of crisis and renewal. At a certain period, the family has to change its values ​​and move to a higher level. If the partners themselves do not rebuild, then a crisis comes that forces them to change. It is precisely at this very moment, when a person needs to look inside himself and change his actions towards himself, his spouse, and reconsider life values, he is looking forward to active changes from his partner. As a rule, a woman expects and demands changes from a man, expressing complaints to him and showing dissatisfaction. And the man, not understanding what is happening with his wife, not knowing what they want from him, being completely powerless, desperate, seeks solace and self-affirmation in the arms of another woman. In difficult family situations, there is no one who is guilty or innocent. There are only two who need to move on to a new stage in their relationship. And everything that happens between them concerns only the two of them - husband and wife. Judge not, lest ye be judged. A huge mistake of many parents is that they involve children in their personal intimate relationships. Especially when quarrels and disagreements occur between them. Both partners are equally responsible for all misunderstandings, conflicts and quarrels that occur between husband and wife. When parents involve their children in their problems, they shift some of their responsibility onto them. As a rule, children take the side of the “victim” and act as judges in this situation, passing their verdict on the “guilty” parent, from their point of view. This is a huge mistake. READ FULL ARTICLE