From the author: The article describes a sequence of actions, the use of which allows you to effectively resolve a conflict with a child (teenager). Conflict with a child is an unpleasant situation that periodically, and sometimes often, occurs in relationships between parents and children. Different opinions of the parties about what time to return home from a walk, when to sit down for homework, what to spend pocket money on and whether to turn off the computer can become a reason for serious intra-family conflict and angry attacks “I’ve had enough of it already!”, “How long do I have to tell you? ", "Never again... (turn on the computer, go for a walk, get money)!" towards each other. Parents often come out of these tense arguments in two ways. The first is to put emotional pressure on the child (scream, spank, threaten) and subjugate him to your will in any way (deprive him of money, take the computer to the garage, forcefully drag him by the hand from the street). The second is aimed at smoothing out the situation faster, reducing the degree of emotional tension in the conversation, giving up your demands and requests to the child, giving in to him. It’s unfortunate that both paths lead to a deterioration in the relationship between parents and children: there is less warmth, respect, and trust. It’s good that there is a third, constructive, way of dealing with conflict. Including 5 simple steps, it really helps to find a solution to a controversial situation and strengthen a good relationship between parents and children. Let's look at these 5 stages using the example of the problem of clutter in the nursery and the child's lack of habit of tidying up things after themselves.1. Identify what the problem is Tell your child clearly and in few words that there is a specific problem that is waiting to be solved. Think about what leads a child to behave this way and not otherwise, what feelings he experiences at the same time. Talk about your child's feelings and needs. Next, talk about your feelings and needs. I notice a lot of chaos in the nursery. Things are scattered instead of lying in the closet or standing on a shelf. I think it’s difficult to keep order when you’re in a hurry to get undressed when you get home, or when you’re playing your favorite games. For my part, I get upset when I see a school uniform on the floor, and I get angry if I step on construction kit parts when entering your room. 2. Initiate a joint search for a solution. Invite your child to jointly discuss ways out of the situation. Emphasize that it is important for you to hear his opinion about the problem and his participation in finding a solution is necessary. Strengthen your child’s motivation to join the discussion by showing your own interest in respecting his interests and the desire to find a way out that would suit all family members. Let's discuss this and figure out how to resolve the situation so that it's good for both of us. Your opinion is important to me and I want us to find a solution that suits both you and me. 3. Together, come up with as many different options for solving the situation as possible. Write them all down. Be the first to suggest a possible solution to the problem. Ask your child about what else you can do, what else you can do, what you can come up with. Prepare a notebook in advance for writing and write down all the proposed methods in it. Encourage the generation of as many ideas as possible. Refrain from criticizing and evaluating opinions, even if some options immediately seem unacceptable to you. Share your ideas. - Maybe I should come to you more often and remind you to put your things away? - Mom, what if I clean things up myself every day before going to bed? - Let’s put bright reminder stickers “Take Me Away” on the scattered things. Or maybe I should just take things from you that are scattered on the floor? You can draw a schedule for cleaning your room and mark with bright stars the days when you managed to do it without your mother’s reminders. Five stars in a row and a surprise awaits you! 4. Choose an option that you both like and plan how the chosen option will be