From the author: A parting article for mothers (future and present). About what kind of fears there are; the anxieties that accompany pregnancy and is there a way out when you are thinking about having a second child... Dear women, mothers! I share my experience with you. I hope this text will be of help to you) How to make up your mind... It just so happened that in my life arsenal (like many, if not all people) there were situations when it was necessary to make a choice on which further events depended. I won't list them all. I’ll focus on the one that turned my life’s path around and gave me the opportunity to change my worldview. This is the birth of a second child, or, to be more precise, the pregnancy that preceded the second birth. Literally immediately after the first birth, lying on the bed and seeing my son’s tiny pink body, I decided that I definitely wanted another son. And I imagined how soon this could happen... Time passed, my son grew, and with him the desire to repeat this miracle grew. And when I was pregnant with my second son, HE suddenly came... Fear! It turned out that all my advance moral preparations had nothing to do with the current state of affairs, and I was really scared. Perhaps the worst thing was that from the moment the next child was born, life would change dramatically. Of course, I was aware that life had changed after the birth of my first son. BUT! Two children in a family means, you know, more than one. And, no matter how you look at it, each family member will have to face the difficulties that accompany this joy. Among the most common “scares”: - the older child will be jealous of the younger one and, accordingly, will not treat him in the best way; Mom will be constantly on break, because... She faces a difficult task - to coo with the younger one and somehow miraculously pay due attention to the older one. You need to understand that conversations like “you’re already an adult/senior and can be without your mommy longer” don’t really help, but rather intensify this notorious jealousy and the desire to take revenge on this little mischief-maker, who was born just to take away all of his mommy. ;- dad in general should become nothing less than superman at this time. His responsibilities include not only helping his mother, but even sometimes transforming into her - taking a walk with the elder on time/reading a book at night/feeding her. When mom is busy with the older child, dad becomes a mother for the younger one (for natural reasons, breastfeeding is not part of his responsibilities and capabilities). And this is just a generalized picture of all the horror that began to grip me at the thought of the birth of a second son. Oh, yes - the thought (or rather, it was already just living there) quite often crossed my bright mind that after giving birth, life would worsen as much as if there was a fire. So, I couldn’t even imagine how I would physically manage to take my older child to kindergarten and where the younger one would be; what superpowers can I have to be surrounded by two children at once, so that each of them at least doesn’t whine (ideally, he’s well-fed and in a good mood)... In general, there were many reasons why I had to “sweat.” So many that it was scary to even try to list them, because it seemed that there was no end to them. Against the backdrop of my worries and worries (although in fact even before that), my relationship with my husband noticeably worsened. And this only complemented the terrible picture that E. Munch once depicted on canvas - “The Scream”. Therapy became a great salvation for me during this period. Desperate to somehow save myself, I decided to take this incredibly difficult step - go to a psychotherapist. More precisely, my husband and I went to see him. And if at first these trips were perceived by me as an obligation, then I note that after a while I became more and more interested not only in being personally cured, but also in having the opportunity to become that healer of souls, which a therapist essentially is. It was my rather long and thorny path of coming toprofession. Now I remember a lot in fragments, although some sessions are firmly ingrained in my memory. If I had not had such experience of interacting with a therapist, perhaps the changes in life would not have been of such quality and acceptable. Now that I am pregnant with my long-awaited daughter, I wanted to share this experience of mine going through the fear and horror of changes that everyone seems to want, but it’s not without reason that our psyche muffles these impulses to change something and whispers: “Not now. It's risky. Change is something that will not allow you to turn back time.” There are enough friends around me who already have one child, but cannot decide to have a second one for the same reason of fear, uncertainty and apprehension. Therefore, I want to give a few recommendations to those who “want to, but are hesitant”: 1. So yes, the birth of a second child is an unconditional change in the way of life. And the fact that the first child changed this way of life at one time does not mean that it will be like that again. Each subsequent family member makes his own adjustments to the daily routine, interfamily connections, and the formation of space.2. If you periodically have conversations with your older child about what the birth of a baby is like, this will slightly reduce the severity of the experience. Here you need to understand that if the conversations are intimidating, then it is better to avoid them. Thus, the phrases “Now mommy will always have to be with the baby”, “Since you are the eldest, you can play/sit on your own”, “You should become mommy’s assistant” - cause an immeasurable feeling of anxiety, loneliness and abandonment, even if it’s only about speak. As all psychologists in the world advise (but many parents ignore this), you need to be as honest as possible with your child. In this case, this is a real and honest description of the situation that will arise. So, “I will devote more time to the baby, because he is not able to feed/drink/put himself to sleep, he cannot even walk or sit. But I will also take care of you, because... I love you and you also need my attention,” “In my free time, when I’m able, I can play/read a book with you. And if I manage to put the baby to sleep easily enough at night, then I can sit in bed with you,” “I will be very grateful to you if you help me with the youngest, for example, you can give me a diaper and turn on the light in the room when I I’ll give the baby a bath and carry him in my arms.” Such phrases, of course, do not paint very bright prospects for the older child, but a) they are real, i.e. do not diverge from what will really happen; b) they still encourage and motivate older children well to provide help and assistance (I’ll tell you a secret that older children are older because they already have the desire and ability to become helpers genetically. This is how the psyche of those who are older in family).3. In no case should you forget about “hugs”, which in case of increased anxiety have a very beneficial effect on everyone. A separate bonus will be that the eldest will automatically take this experience into the subconscious.4. Simply writing down all your fears on paper helps reduce anxiety. Although the mind takes us away from this - they say, if you don’t think, it means you feel less. But here you need to do the opposite: there is time - write down on paper everything that frightens and terrifies you so much. The next point will be to describe how real all this is (i.e., such fear as “With the advent of a second child, life will get worse” does not count. You need to describe exactly what will get worse and why it will get worse, etc. and etc.) and what time frame this fear has (i.e. fear such as constant lack of sleep, etc. is just an illusory idea of ​​​​what will happen. All mothers know that sooner or later there comes a period when the child begins to sleep well day and night).5. Such a fear as “I am the only daughter in the family and I know how good it is, but how will my child suffer if he has a competitor” - has both real and fictitious!