Let's outline the rules of the game. To start. So, please don’t confuse adult EROTICS and children’s SEXUALITY. For greater importance, I will try to substantiate my such a categorical statement. Firstly, if we touch on the linguistic aspects of the word sexuality, then after some research we can come to the conclusion that “sex” translated from foreign means “sex” in Russian, and not what you thought. Accordingly, “sexuality” is nothing more than a manifestation of gender, or, more precisely, gender identity. Regarding “eroticism”, in the most familiar understanding for modern people, it is generally accepted that this is a certain phenomenon (process, feeling) aimed at a representative of the opposite (or the same) sex, with the goal of intimate intimacy or, in short, sexual intercourse. However, if you look a little deeper (both historically and psychologically), you will find that the primary source of eroticism - EROS, in Ancient Greece, where, in fact, all European culture came from, is the personification of love and attraction to life, as such, an integral addition which was and is the continuation of the human race, involving direct sexual contact (preferably, of course, different sexes, but... it happens in every way). So EROS has its antipode - THANATOS - the personification of death, the son of Nikta, the twin brother of the god of sleep Hypnos. Considering this fact - the presence of two foundations of opposite directions, it can be assumed that eroticism, as such, is a manifestation of the attraction to life, to its continuation, development and preservation of integrity. This is the force that allows humanity (and not only) to preserve itself as one of the forms of living matter. In psychoanalysis, this force is designated as LIBIDO, as opposed to the concept of MORTIDO “generated” by THANATOS. Well, we’ll talk about the attraction to life and the attraction to death another time, but now, let’s return to what this short prologue was actually dedicated to. So. Children's sexuality. For most, this phrase is mutually exclusive and shocking. But the fact is that thanks to Freud’s works, sexuality began to be understood not as a specific sexual attraction to a sexual partner with the ultimate goal in the form of coitus, but everything, often unconscious, that is associated with the problem of belonging to one or another sex. Before the appearance of Freud’s works It was believed that sexuality in children was absent, or, while recognizing its existence, researchers often kept silent about this phenomenon, assessing it as sinful and dangerous. These conflicting views persist to this day, however, at least some parents view their children's developing sexuality as something natural and not causing negative attitudes. Some parents even today feel discomfort due to any manifestations of sexual interest in their child. There are several reasons for this. First, it is considered abnormal; secondly, parents do not know how to behave in such situations. After all, they may have their own sexual problems. For a child (note, even before his birth), manifestations of gender play a fundamental role in the formation of personality traits and characteristics of his future life. An elementary example from practice. A girl who is experiencing serious difficulties in the questions of “meeting a guy,” “starting a family,” etc. is not accepted. At the first glance at her, I understand that something doesn’t fit - I see a girl, but the feeling is that a guy has walked in - gestures, manners, gait, posture - well, they’re clearly not girlish! Although dressed like a woman, hair, makeup, etc. During the initial meetings, it turns out that, among other things, before her birth, the parents (BOTH of them) were expecting a boy. Why did I highlight the word “BOTH” parents? Yes, because often fathers want a boy to be born and this, in general, is considered the norm. But! The mother plays a key role in the psychological aspect of the formation of a child’s gender identity, even before his birth!All her experiences, thoughts, desires, feelings are directly transmitted to the fetus, starting from the earliest stages of pregnancy! And it turns out that they were expecting a boy, a girl was born, but... a boy. In the future, one way or another, my patient’s upbringing was based on a boy’s style. No, of course, she was not given a boy’s haircut and was not forced to wear only trousers. But some little things, like going to the garage with dad, collecting airplane models, reading the works of Fenimore Cooper, Arthur Conan Doyle, movies about the war, etc. - all this, day after day, unnoticed by adults, had an impact on the image of the future girl. No, it is clear that it is very difficult to argue with nature and she herself never had a desire, such as “change gender” or “dress like a man,” but some nuances categorically prevented her from living a full life. It took a lot of effort so that she could find a gender identity and, having subsequently gotten married, give birth to a child, while - and this is the main thing - while pregnant, not lust after a child of the strictly desired gender, but love him, regardless of whether the child is born a boy or a girl. In men, such events are also not uncommon, but, of course, with certain amendments in the behavior of parents before and after the birth of a child. An important, and for some parents, a shocking moment is the manifestation of the sexuality of children in infancy and/or childhood. As any observant parent knows, little boys and girls begin to touch and rub their external genitalia as soon as they develop the necessary coordination. This sometimes leads to orgasm in children in the first year of life. The question arises, what is the meaning of this behavior? Maybe the child is simply exploring his body, and the probability of touching one or another part of it (elbow, stomach, external genitalia) is approximately the same? Or does such behavior contain an element of sexuality, and the resulting sensual pleasure forces the child to resort to self-stimulation again and again? Parents of very young children react differently to the sexual behavior described. This amuses some, surprises others, and worries others, especially if they do not understand that all of these are completely normal signs of child development. By the age of two, most children begin to walk, talk, and feel like a boy or a girl. They become insatiably curious as they explore different parts of their own body, with most discovering (if they haven't already) that stimulation of the external genitalia feels good. At first, playing with the genitals is an individual activity, but gradually it turns into a game of “doctor” or “show me yours and I’ll show you what I have.” Children can rub the penis or clitoris with their hands, or use a doll, pillow, blanket or other objects for this purpose. If we classify the age periods that correspond to the stages of a child’s development, his stages on the path to gender-role identity, then, in my opinion, it is most appropriate to use the classification proposed by Freud. He identified (and it is difficult to argue with this!) the following “epoch-making” periods of human life: the oral stage - from birth to one and a half years; anal stage - from one and a half to three years; phallic stage - from three to 6-7 years; latent stage - from 6 to 12-13 years; genital stage - from the beginning of puberty until approximately 18 years of age. [/ul] Each stage is responsible for the formation of certain human personality traits. How exactly they will manifest themselves in the future directly depends on the successful or unfavorable course of a particular stage of development. The success of passing each stage is, in turn, associated with the behavior of the parents towards the child. If during a certain period of development any deviations and problems are observed, a “stuck” may occur, in other words, fixation. Fixation at one or another stage of development leads to the fact that an adult retains an unconscious memory of a specific mentalinjury or entirely about the period. In moments of anxiety and weakness, he seems to return to that period of childhood when the traumatic experience took place. In accordance with this, fixation at each of the listed stages of development will have its own manifestations in adulthood. And childhood traumas are most often unresolved (unprocessed) conflicts between parents and child. In the first months of a child's life, a bond with his parents is established - an important early form of intimate relationships. An essential component of infant sexuality lies in the sensual closeness of the child and parents, which is realized when the latter hold the child in their arms, hug him or press him to their body. This connection between the child and parents is established from birth and subsequently deepens through the process of feeding, bathing, dressing and other types of physical interaction between parents and the newborn. A child deprived of parental warmth and other forms of connection with his father and mother in infancy may subsequently experience difficulties in entering into intimate relationships with other people, or may not receive satisfaction from his own adult sexuality. Now briefly about the above stages of psychosexual development of a child. Oral stage. It got its name because the first and so far only zone of a child’s sensuality is the mouth. During this period, the baby receives the basic experience of receiving pleasure from contact with the mother. And it’s not just about satiation as the process of filling the stomach with milk. Breastfeeding is a unique process of transferring from mother to baby the most important LIFE information, which will subsequently determine the life path of an adult. Of course, how successful was the period of intrauterine development of the fetus and the condition of the mother at this time depends on the stage of breastfeeding. The mother's breast brings the baby not only pleasure and pleasure, but also a feeling of safety, confidence and security. The Anglo-Austrian psychoanalyst Melanie Klein coined the term “good breasts – bad breasts.” This is a very precise definition of the mother-infant relationship during the oral stage of development. At this age, babies are often restless when their mother is not around. They refuse to sleep alone in the crib, start screaming, even if mom leaves for only a short time, and constantly ask to be held. Don't refuse your baby. By coming to his call, fulfilling his requests, you do not indulge his whims, but confirm his confidence in himself and in the world around him. The strictness of parenting will now play a cruel joke on you and your child. Freud identified two extreme types of maternal behavior: excessive severity of the mother, ignoring the needs of the child; excessive overprotection on the part of the mother, when she is ready to predict any desire of the child and satisfy it before he himself realizes it. [/ul] If the first model can be characterized as “cold” love, or frustration (dissatisfaction) with a “minus” sign, then the second is “suffocating” love – frustration with a “plus” sign. Both are not good for the baby! Both of these models of behavior lead to the formation of an oral-passive personality type in a child. The result is a feeling of dependence and self-doubt. In the future, such a person will constantly expect a “motherly” attitude from others and will feel the need for approval and support. A person of the oral-passive type is often very trusting, dependent, and is unable to make decisions and bear responsibility for them. Unfortunately, I would even say, to horror, there is a third model - the deep hidden hatred of the mother for the born child. I will deliberately not describe the forms of manifestation of such a feeling, I will only say that the result of such an attitude, as a rule, is severe mental disorders (and this is not in the worst case)... The anal stage. The principle by which old Freud called this period is very simple - at this time most of the attention of the child and his parents is focused on him.precious ass, through which he, to the great joy of his loving parents, produces HIS FIRST PRODUCT - poop! And at the same time, he understands that this is HIS! It is necessary to understand that the child’s interest in his own bowel movements at this stage of development is quite natural. The baby is still unfamiliar with the feeling of disgust, but it is quite clear that feces is the first thing that a child can dispose of at his own discretion - give it away or, on the contrary, keep it. If mom and dad praise the baby for going potty, the child perceives the products of his life as a gift to his parents, and with his subsequent behavior he strives to gain their approval. In light of this, the toddler’s attempts to get dirty or dirty something with them take on a positive connotation. Freud pays special attention to how exactly parents teach their child to potty. If they SYSTEMATICALLY too strictly and persistently monitor compliance with the new rules, or started putting the baby on the potty too early (the ability to fully control the anal muscles is formed only by 2.5-3 years), they also scold and punish the child when he refuses to go to the toilet, they shame the baby for his mistakes, then the baby develops one of two types of character: anal-thrusting. Determined by the topic. That the child may develop and strengthen the feeling that only by going to the potty can he receive the love and approval of his parents; anal-retentive. The child categorically disagrees with the actions of the parents and forces himself to keep the “gift” inside, which is fraught with constipation. People of the first type are characterized by such traits as a tendency to destruction, anxiety, and impulsiveness. They consider spending money a prerequisite for showing love. Representatives of the second type are characterized by stinginess, greed, frugality, perseverance, punctuality, and stubbornness. They cannot stand disorder and uncertainty. Often prone to mesophobia (fear of pollution) and a pathological desire for cleanliness. A good illustration of this is Jack Nicholson's character in the film As Good As It Gets. Phallic phase ATTENTION! CRITICAL STAGE! It begins at about three years of age and is unique in that Freud’s discovery of the “OEDIPUS COMPLEX” in boys and the “ELECTRA COMPLEX” in girls is woven into it. The baby is interested in issues of relations between the sexes. It is during this period that children ask the sacramental question: “Where do children come from?” Little of. A child at this age begins to lay claim to one of the parents of the opposite sex, which often causes protest from the second “unnecessary” parent. You put him to bed, yourself (yourself) quietly to your spouse in the “bed of love”, only, you know, they began to breathe more intensely - oh-pa! - and it’s already under the blanket, it got in, separated it, and pressed itself either to dad (my mothers! leaving only dad. Well... well, what is the reaction? To put it mildly, different. During this period, the boy perceives his mother as an ideal woman; the father’s position in the family causes envy and a desire to compete in the child. "Who will you marry? - Mom!" - here is a familiar dialogue, between, for example, friends of parents and a boy. The feeling of his father's superiority and the fear of being punished gives rise to the so-called fear of castration in the boy, which forces him to abandon his mother. At the age of 6-7 years, the boy begins to identify himself with his father, and envy and the desire for competition are replaced by the desire to be like his father, to become the same as him. “Mom loves dad, which means I must become as brave and strong as him.” The son adopts a system of moral norms from his father, which in turn creates the prerequisites for the development of the child’s super-ego. This moment is the final stage of the passage of the Oedipus complex. A variant of the Oedipus complex for girls, i.e. The Electra complex proceeds somewhat differently. The first object of love for a daughter, as well as for a son, is the mother. Freud believed that women already in childhood experience a rather complex set of feelings,The closest thing to which may be the term “envy” (although this is in some sense debatable) in relation to men because the latter have a penis - personifying strength, power, superiority. The girl allegedly blames her mother for her own inferiority and unconsciously strives to possess her father, envying the fact that he has a penis and that he has the love of her mother. The resolution of the Electra complex occurs similarly to the resolution of the Oedipus complex. The girl suppresses her attraction to her father and begins to identify with her mother. By becoming like her own mother, she thereby increases the likelihood of finding a man like her father in the future. Freud and his many followers believed that trauma during the Oedipus complex could become a source of neuroses, impotence and frigidity in the future. People with fixations at the phallic stage of development pay great attention to their own body, do not miss the opportunity to show it off, and love to dress beautifully and provocatively. Men behave self-confidently, sometimes arrogantly. They associate love victories with success in life. They constantly strive to prove to themselves and others their masculine worth. At the same time, deep down they are not nearly as confident as they try to seem, because they are still haunted by an unconscious fear of castration. Women with fixation at this stage are characterized by a tendency towards promiscuity and a constant desire to flirt and seduce. And that's what's typical. Based on practical experience, I can say that during analytical meetings, the psychoanalyst’s interpretation under the motto “fear of castration” in male patients causes disproportionately less resistance and protests than the interpretation of “penis envy” in women. The fair half of humanity has such a special feature... The latent stage. The period of “sexual calm”. From about 6 to (again, approximately) 12 years. Life energy temporarily ceases to be sexually focused and can be directed towards “I experience the world.” “I broaden my horizons”, “I make friends with both boys and girls”, in general, I engage in socially active activities. Genital stage Well, that’s almost all – your child is almost grown. This is a stage that begins at approximately 12-13 years of age and ends at 18-21 years of age. It forms adult sexuality with ESTABLISHED gender roles, which remains in a person until the end of his life. At this moment, all previous sexual aspirations and erogenous zones are united at once. Now the teenager’s goal is normal sexual communication, the achievement of which, as a rule, is associated with a number of difficulties. For this reason, throughout the passage of the genital stage of development, fixations at various previous stages may appear. The teenager seems to regress to earlier childhood. Here, as a rule, the first “almost adult” love manifests itself (sometimes without “almost”), here is the boiling of passions, and the pain of disappointment, and in general, this is an extremely stressful period for a teenager - there is strength, “the hormone is walking » with all his might, but very little experience. It is especially difficult for those boys and girls who received negative traumatic experiences in the previous stages. For them, this is a period of “risk” - running away from home, alcohol, drugs, and... the possibility of suicide. The teenager tries with all his might to compensate for the lack of proper parental attention, becomes bitter against his parents, overestimates early values, changes authorities and preferences. To successfully pass the genital stage, both the teenager and parents need to take an active position in solving their own problems, show initiative and determination, and abandon the state of childish infantility and passivity. In this case, a person develops a genital personality type, which is considered ideal in psychoanalysis. In conclusion, I want to say that, starting from the moment of birth - birth and throughout all stages, traumatic experience is inevitable - too many contradictions are hidden within ALL life stages of the Infant, Child, Adolescent,!