It’s not enough to buy a child a toy, you need to show how to use it and construct a world. Today I will offer simple and effective tools for communicating with a child that will allow you to form warm, friendly relationships, based on trust. These recommendations are suitable for children of any age. All children are obedient. Communicate on the same level. For most of his childhood, the child is located below his parents, i.e. looks up at them and hears their requests from somewhere above. Such communication creates a communication barrier and discomfort. Because of which one might think that the child is naughty, or as people say, it shows character. However, this is not so, children are obedient. Firstly, the request may simply not be heard, some words may be absorbed by extraneous noise, and the child’s attention and thinking are not yet as stable as those of an adult. Secondly, look up to your parent tires. Try looking upward at a 45-degree angle every day for at least 6 hours. Tension and pain will begin to arise in the neck muscles. Some parents begin to raise their voices at the child, mistakenly believing that by shouting they will convey information faster and more accessible. No, screaming will cause fear and tears, and maybe resistance if the child has already entered adolescence. What to do: Go down to the child’s eye level or raise him to yours, look him in the eyes and say your request. This approach will allow you to save time, psychological health and relationships with your child. When there is no spatial barrier between you, information reaches the recipient faster and easier. A friend creates co-joy. Help your child learn new things A child comes into this world without experience. First everything , and then a lot of things become new, interesting, and sometimes scary for him. Help your child get to know this world: The flora and fauna of your city. Natural phenomena and human relationships. Household items and their purpose. The toys you buy and new ways to use them. Letters, meanings of words and feelings. Some parents mistakenly believe that by buying a toy, they made the child happier. This is partly true, because in the moment and for some time after, an adult also experiences joy from buying a car or a dress. But when you have no one and nowhere to wear a dress, you are confused in the instructions for the car dashboard and there is no one to explain, then the joy goes away. What to do: Take time for games, creativity and knowledge. Remember that a child’s attention does not have the stability that an adult has and the focus will change quickly. Maintain interest in things, objects and phenomena through direct contact, offer to touch the snow, make a snowball out of it, listen to the birds singing in the forest, blow it away with with hats of dandelions. Find out how he feels and his readiness to continue. This way you will fill not only your child’s life with the joy of communication and knowledge, but also your own joy of fatherhood (motherhood). The child will be interested in learning new things, because you share his interest. A friend creates joy , and without complicity this is impossible. Agreements are about boundaries. Create agreements (rules) and keep your word. When you want to teach your child to respect boundaries in your relationship and responsibility for his actions, you should remember that the child lives in the state of “I want” and the words “ it is necessary" or "necessary" he does not yet know and does not understand. The words are incomprehensible and unknown to him - agreement, rule and responsibility. Your task is to explain with words and examples. What to do: Formulate the rules that will guide all family members and follow them first of all yourself. Even if the child does not immediately understand how it works, cries, insists or shows aggression, show firmness (not cruelty ) and explain what happened. Why did the child not get what he wanted and how to get it next time. Explain that the child did not become bad and that’s why you, for example, turned offcartoons, but because the time to watch them is over. Show flexibility when creating or changing agreements that you cannot fulfill. A flexible approach will allow the child to learn to find solutions to difficult life situations. When the child sees that the agreement is being respected by the parents, then it creates trust and a desire to conform. Leadership creates responsibility. Allow the child to be a leader “Don’t interfere; it is forbidden; let me dress you (it’s faster), feed you (it’s cleaner); Do not touch; don't; be quiet; do not scream; enough; everything falls out of your hands; leave it, otherwise you will break it; Well, I warned against rolling eyes, or even hitting” - all these prohibitions reduce initiative, desire and motivation to do something. After such prohibitions, conversations are born: “He’s kind of lacking initiative in me,” - after 5 years, don’t touch , don’t do it, leave it, otherwise you’ll break it. “Well, don’t be shy, tell your grandmother the poem” - don’t shout, be quiet, that’s enough. “He’s already 14 years old, but he doesn’t want to take responsibility” - don’t bother, let me, don’t do it , it is impossible. When a parent prohibits a child from activities a lot and unreasonably, does not allow him to show independence, the desire and motivation for activity decreases. The child simply does not know what it means to be independent, active, experience is being taken away from him. No one argues that a socket and plug are incompatible with the child’s health, but here it is necessary not only to prohibit, but to explain what will happen and why it is impossible to play like that. Dangerous and actions harmful to health must be stopped at the same time, giving information about the reasons for the prohibition. What to do: Allow the child to gain his own experience by fastening overalls, eating soup or painting with a brush. Inquire about the child’s opinion and feelings, what he wants, what solutions he sees. Suggest he can create his own rule that will work for the whole family. Praise for successes (even minor ones for you) and support during failures. By showing initiative, the child gains experience in knowing himself, his skills, objects and environment. After spilling water or breaking a glass, calmly explain to your child what happened and why. The child received information and experience, and you strengthened the relationship. Leadership creates responsibility, and not the other way around. The little son came to his father. V. Mayakovsky Help your child recognize himself “The child is screaming, and I don’t know why. My husband and I don’t yell at each other”; “My child, aged 2.5, 7, touches his genitals”; “My son is 15 years old, he’s been sad for 3 weeks now. What’s wrong with him.” A person coming into this world has no experience of feelings, thoughts and sensations. He does not know the capabilities and limitations of his body. This knowledge comes with experience. You can help the child better understand his feelings and sensations by reflecting observed behavior and actions: The child may scream from pain, lack of attention, anger, resentment. At 2 years old, the child begins to show a more conscious interest in his body and therefore can touch himself by the genitals. At the age of 15, the separation crisis and puberty continue, a person falls in love and experiences sadness from the inability to realize his aspirations. What to do: Reflect the feelings and behaviors your child is exhibiting by talking about what you see. If necessary, give him comfort by holding him or hugging him (remember the importance of one visual level). Tactile contact is not only pleasant, but also creates a feeling of security. “I see you are angry. Tell me what made you angry?” “You are in pain, my dear. Let mom blow on your knee and the pain will gradually go away.” Interest in yourself and others cannot be prohibited. It is necessary to provide information about what and why is created in the child’s body (taking into account age), what function his genitals serve and what actions can be harmful. Explain the rules of social interaction accepted in society between a boy and a girl, a man and a girl. This must be done taking into account the age and desires of the child (this also applies to teenagers). Invite the child to tell how he feels and how he sees the situation. The child will see interest, it will be easier for him