How to behave if your loved one regularly speaks in a way that creates confusion in your head, making it impossible to understand what exactly they want from you - That? And if at the same time it is impossible to clarify because they either laugh or scold? If this happens with enviable regularity, then you, most likely, are you living or not... not like that... you survive trying to find a way out, which does not exist if you play by the rules of “double messages”. What are double messages? What is their purpose? How to get out of this trap? FreePik A double message (“double bind”, “double order”, “double signal”) is essentially a manipulative technique in communication when a person sends you messages that contradict each other. No matter how you act , you will be guilty in any case. If not immediately, then later. How can this manifest itself? Between words and behavior, when in the moment one does not correspond to the other, they say: “I’m glad that we are spending this evening together.” However, with all their appearance they show that they want to be away from you. “You’re doing everything right, keep up the good work.” But the tone of voice and facial expression tell a different story. “I’m not offended by you at all.” Although the person behaves in the opposite way. Moreover, any attempt to clarify what is wrong either runs into a “wall of silence”, or threatens with accusations that “everything was fine until you started digging into it and ruined it.” mood.” through accusations that you acted as you had previously agreed. There may be many options, but the main thing is that the initial agreement is ultimately presented as if it was not a mutual decision at all, and you should have acted differently. Signs that you received a “double message”: You are confused and do not understand what exactly your partner means and what you should do You are not given an explanation or you cannot ask clarifying questions Whatever you do, you still end up guilty FreePik What you can try to do to “get away with it”? Learn to see double messages and their goals Develop your own successful response options To do this, refer to your past experience. Remember as many of these situations as possible. Analyze what exactly happened, how the situation developed, what you felt and did, and what it all led to in the end. Analysis of the past will give you a scheme according to which a lover of “double messages” operates and you can guess from the “first notes” what will happen next. You will understand exactly what this person wants to achieve from you. This may not be just one goal. Then think through your new words and actions in these situations, which can get you out of the “double message” impasse. In this way, you will create for yourself several response options that you can use based on a specific situation, rather than making up ideas on the go. This will give you inner confidence in the moment and will not allow you to react as usual, which means your chances of success will increase. If you can’t figure it out, the situation looks confusing, allow yourself the help of a specialist. A non-judgmental look from the outside will help you see the situation more clearly and clearly. You can ask me a question or sign up for a consultation via a message in Telegram or Whats'App at the number +7 966 876 2020