Today, for some “girls” of any age, the daughter of a certain mother’s friend, colleague or neighbor in the country, conditionally, Daughter of Mary Vanna, with whom these women were constantly compared in childhood or continue to be compared now, of course not in their favor, the image is truly archetypal. Archetypal image is a term introduced by Jung to designate... universal symbols inherent in the collective unconscious... In psychology, archetypal images allow us to understand the patterns of human behavior, the most likely scenarios for the development of his fate . Considering that this very Daughter of Mary Vanna, according to your mother, is always smarter, more beautiful, more successful, luckier in marriage, and, most importantly, treats her mother better, there is simply no point in competing with her! And then, realizing how unattainable the standard is, the woman confronts him, demonstrating her Shadow. Read about what it is, our Shadow, in the article How to make friends between a Person and a Shadow? ExerciseHowever, let's return to the confrontation with the Daughter of Mary Vanna. How does it happen? And how is it dangerous for ourselves, my dear girls of any age? The mechanism of self-destruction is launched. When the girl realizes that it is impossible to attract her mother’s attention with a positive message, because the next Daughter of Mary Vanna will always be cooler than her own daughter, the girl begins to attract attention from the negative side. The girl is insolent and rude to her mother in order to at least stop being like that invisible to her. For example: - Your wonderful Daughter Mary Vanny is an excellent student? And I’ll start skipping school! - Daughter Mary Vanny is all so pretty, sweet? And who should I be beautiful like? “Open trees don’t give birth to oranges”! - Daughter Mary Vanny received a red diploma? And I’ll take it and leave the university! Know ours! - Mary Vanna’s daughter married a “worthy” young man? But I won’t marry at all, or to spite you I’ll date “bad guys”! - Mary Vanna’s daughter gave birth “ two beautiful grandchildren for my mother"? And I will be childfree, so as not to become like you! Childfree is a subculture and ideology characterized by a conscious desire not to have children. We are not talking about people who postpone having children until a later date or do not have a firm position on this issue. Is this familiar? How to avoid falling into such an obviously vicious scenario? Just tell your mother directly: - Mom, I am your daughter Tanya/Katya/Lena/..., not Daughter Mary Vanna! I feel very offended and hurt when you compare me to her. Please stop doing this! And I will try to live up to your hopes. I will only live my own life! How to ruin relationships with your children? Bad advice How to remove the “curse”? Psychological practice P.S. Dear mothers, young and mature, please never compare your children with anyone! © Family psychologist Natalia Filimonova, 2021. All rights reserved. FREE WEBINAR Advantages of the site Psychologists on b.17 for successful practice Methods of working with MAC online using interactive technologies