Divorce is a very sad phenomenon of our time. One can write books about its roots, causes, types, characteristics, aspirations, misconceptions and hopes. This article will talk about what to do if, after all, spouses with one or more children decide to separate. Separate It can be civilized and not very civilized. “Not very” means continuing to “waving your hands after a fight,” for example: - sorting things out, - proving your personal worth and superiority, - deliberately causing trouble for your ex-spouse, prejudicially reacting to any of his actions. And in all these unsightly and tiresome scenes, voluntarily or unwittingly, involve the child. In other words, an adult man or woman who finds himself in personal trouble cannot cope with a difficult situation wisely and with dignity. In the language of psychology this is called “regression”. In regression, any person’s critical thinking and control over their words and behavior decrease. Adults can behave like teenagers, thereby dragging the child into their own conflicts, which they cannot cope with a priori. At the same time, the child is forced to play different roles - comforter, prosecutor, judge, lawyer, the role of a bargaining chip, spy, blackmailer, etc. The life lesson that he can learn in such an atmosphere comes down to the ability to manipulate others for the sake of his own selfish preferences. Save The situation in the event of a spontaneous and uncontrollable divorce can be achieved by the parent who is morally stronger and calmer, who has not lost his head and maintained an adult position. In this case, he should not measure his strength with the other half, he must take on the burden of responsibility and forgiveness, even if it seems unfair. Because if at least one person maintains stability in an unstable situation, then the whole family has a chance to correct their behavior. The main thing is to refrain from blaming the weaker party and come to terms with your role as a fairway. With a civilized divorce, everything becomes much simpler and more logical for the child. After all, what happens when parents separate? The child experiences the loss of such a phenomenon as a “parental married couple”, alone plus one no longer gives a third. The Yin and Yang Monad has disintegrated and no longer exists. An internal conflict between male and female is also outlined in the child’s psyche. These parties within the child can no longer trust each other, cannot remain unconditionally family. Intrapersonal conflict is inevitable. This conflict can be mitigated as much as possible by the competent behavior of the father and mother. So, how should parents behave when parting with each other? Give yourself time to come to your senses. Each parent has the right, and moreover, must be careful towards themselves. It doesn’t matter whether the decision to divorce is mutual or unilateral. In both cases, there is room for pain, bitterness, melancholy, depression, fears, resentment, guilt, fear, shame, and frustration. So find time and space to be alone for three to seven days. It doesn’t matter how you restore yourself - with friends in Malta, in a psychologist’s office, crying into a pillow or training in the gym. You know better. Others are better off not knowing. Children can be placed with relatives for these days. Agree on the words about the reason for the divorce that you will say to the children with your ex-other half. It is desirable that the text matches almost word for word, regardless of whether mom and dad are explaining to the children separately or together at the same time. Then the child will retain the impression of the unity of father and mother on the mental and spiritual levels. And at least he will be spared the contradictions and ambiguities that arise if parents have different versions of what is happening. Respect each other. Respect is a universal medicine and prevention at the same time. The more decent (even through force and resentment), the more rational and clear you behave, the faster life will enter into a new one..