How sometimes we want to give in, to hide somewhere where no one and nothing can bother us - we want warmth, comfort, security, and... for someone to take pity, we often feel sorry for ourselves. Sound familiar? Well, warmth, comfort, relaxation are almost always only beneficial, but what about PITY? Why do you need it? Have you ever asked yourself this question - why do I need pity? If not, I advise you to think about this topic, if yes, here is some additional information for you to think about. In my favorite dictionary since childhood, S.I. Ozhegov's pity is defined as compassion, condolences. Think about it, pity does not imply any action, no vector - only some act of joining the negative (suffering is negative, after all). When we feel sorry for ourselves, we join the already existing negativity within ourselves, thereby strengthening it, doubling it - and again the question is WHY... In fact, pity can give us very, very much. The main thing is to figure out what exactly it is and what we will do about it. So, the first and most obvious thing that pity can give us is an amazing opportunity to do nothing, not change anything, not change ourselves. The process of change, self-improvement, as well as the transfer of ideas and thoughts to the next logical stage - real deeds, actions, can be quite painful, unpleasant and difficult. Often we ourselves are not aware of the fact that we are trying in every possible way to avoid this. Self-pity is a great way to “hide behind” adversity. After all, when I feel sorry for myself, I need to spend my energy not on business and changes, but on restoring internal balance and harmony. And then a wonderful excuse is ready for myself and those around me - I have no strength left for..., after all, I spent it on restoring my inner world. The next logical stage, the second excellent gift from pity, is the opportunity to relieve yourself or not accept responsibility in principle for your actions, your emotions, your thoughts, and finally, for your life. It can be so difficult to admit to ourselves that everything that happens on our life’s path depends not on someone else, but on us. It depends on whether we are able to “seize the moment”, whether we can take a step, whether we want to see or hear, whether we decide to change... When you fully realize your complete dependence on yourself, it becomes extremely uncomfortable at the first moment, scary, a feeling comes despair - after all, the only one who can really influence what is happening to me is myself. And if we give in to this momentary impulse, the fear of the unknown, for which we ourselves are responsible, self-pity becomes a very simple way to escape. Well, it’s hard to carry all this burden on yourself, and why should I, exactly I, do it? Oh.. I’m poor, unhappy, and no one will help me, no one will take my “backpacks” off me - how can I continue to live when it’s sooo hard! The next completely logical gift of self-pity is the ability to not pay attention, to ignore the real, serious tasks that are now facing you or are simply “visible on the horizon.” Let it concern professional tasks, personal goals, health issues and even happiness - it’s so easy to hide from their implementation behind self-pity. I need to sign up for a fitness club - oh, poor unfortunate me, I work on myself three times a week until exhaustion... I need to do an urgent report that will help me move forward with my work - but I already have so many tasks for today that I can’t breathe freely anyway I can... And so on and so forth, according to your personal list. Well, the last one on the list, but almost the first most important bonus from pity is the opportunity to receive the notorious support, warmth, manifestations of love from others. How can you not feel sorry for the poor boy/poor girl, it’s so hard for him/her. And if you think about it, what is the essence of those “warm” feelings that are shown to us as a result of pity? In fact, by receiving such manifestations of “love” for us, we are once again, already from the outside (which is often even more important for manyinternal) we receive confirmation of the first three items of the “menu” that self-pity provides us with. Do you need this kind of support? Do you need that kind of warmth? Isn't this an illusion? Isn’t this a pink cloud that consists of nothing and blocks our true path in life? If we summarize and look at the situation without taking off the “rose-colored glasses,” we get the following. As a result of self-pity, we get: feelings of powerlessness, weakness, the feeling that we have already given up and will never rise again. As a result, a feeling of anxiety (and then we ask questions - “why is it that I’m so worried?”, “Where does this feeling of impending disaster come from?”), aggression (well, how do we most often react when we realize that nothing can be done) etc. And then, following a logical chain, comes stress, tension, chronic fatigue, and a constant feeling of tension. All this leads to a number of diseases, chronic, as a rule (depression, problems with the gastrointestinal tract, decreased immunity, frequent colds, etc.). There are at least three positive alternatives to self-pity - by the way, we very often confuse when taking self-pity for one of these magic “lifesavers”. Option one: self-love. The topic of self-love has become something extremely commonplace in our society; it is perceived very simply - how can you not love yourself? Meanwhile, I, for example, know only a couple of people who actually know how to love themselves, their life and everything that comes with it. What does it mean to love yourself? This means knowing yourself, understanding yourself, feeling yourself - and, therefore, being ready to take action for yourself. Let this act be sometimes scary, sometimes painful, sometimes it seems that there is not enough strength, time, or skill to do it. What action have you done for yourself? We very often do not do such actions, but only call them dreams. And most often, the real reason not to commit such an act is self-pity. Option two: self-acceptance. And accepting yourself does not mean feeling sorry! Acceptance means being aware of who we are, what is happening to us, and allowing ourselves to be like that. Allow with pleasure, enjoying the process, understanding that only this kind of I can, will be able to. Acceptance means seeing the pros and cons, while being able to correctly set priorities, move forward and not regret anything. Accepting yourself means seeing your weaknesses and knowing your strengths. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself and giving yourself the opportunity to be irresponsible, take all your responsibility for yourself - and, most importantly, get immense pleasure from it. Option three is to be able to listen to yourself, hear your desires, your needs, your essence . And again, we very often pass off self-pity as this skill. Listening to yourself does not mean giving in to the desire to do nothing, feel nothing, think nothing, and then regret what you didn’t do. Often hearing yourself means hearing your fears and concerns, and then seeing their absurdity. It's difficult, but the results are worth it. Having heard ourselves, we can not lose sight of our goals, our dreams, gain new hopes, see new prospects. To summarize, I want to talk about the most common logical chain that arises when answering the question “Why do I need self-pity?” By feeling sorry for myself, I can cause others around me to feel sorry for me, i.e. feel in relatively safe conditions, relax. The pity of others is most often caused by the role of victim that I try on myself at this moment. BUT! As soon as I take the role of a victim, in addition to warmth, sympathetic words and emotions from people, I also receive my aggression. After all, the victim always has the task of defending himself, which means expressing aggression. Do you need such a companion - aggression? Do you want to be angry at the whole world and at everyone individually (including yourself)? In old Russian times there was such an expression “You are my pitiful ones” - and the word “pity” did not mean to sympathize, but rather to love, to give what?