From the author: An article from a small series of articles on the topic “Identity” Author: Talia Teptsova A practicing psychologist most often meets with clients whose problems lie in the area of ​​personal identity. This is when there are difficulties in answering the question “Who am I?” In the psychological dictionary, Identity is the integrity of the individual; the identity and continuity of our Self, despite the changes that occur to us in the process of growth and development (I am the same). The important part here is the “continuity of our Self.” Is it possible to start a new life on Monday? Is it possible to start “with a new leaf” after a divorce? Is it possible to change with the help of a “magic pill”? It won’t work out. “I am today” - I always contain fragments of a continuous “past I”, having destroyed or denied it , I will lose touch with reality. “I am today” - I contain only the past and only this can be a step for the “Future Self”. The basis of all processes that change our lives lies the foundation of identity. How is it formed? Personality does not exist on its own, but as part of the surrounding world, with which she interacts and to which she adapts throughout her life in order to better navigate it and guide others. On an emotional level - from the moment of birth. And the first object that forms the child’s identity is the mother (or a conditionally substitute object). During this period, the relationship between mother and child is similar to a symbiotic dependence, and already during this period the child receives initial information about his importance through the frequency of touches, a sensitive response to the satisfaction of physiological and emotional needs, or their insufficiency or absence. From the moment when the child’s thinking moves from figurative to symbolic and speech becomes part of the interaction, along with the destruction of dyadic relationships, the socialization of the individual occurs, with the addition of the law of the Third Person to the interaction. As the authority of this law is asserted, the formation of boundaries begins. The third person in the traditional sense is the father, or a person replacing him, as well as any distraction of the mother, as her right to her own life, separate from the child. This is the beginning of a new system of values, where, in addition to the omnipotent I-child, a system of prohibitions on the unlimited possession of maternal property is established attention and the I, as the self of the individual, begins to appear. In this value system, the self-identity or ego-identity of the individual begins to form. The most significant is personal interaction in the child-parent environment, which forms the basis of other roles. Adults somehow designate and support with their attitude this or that part of our “I”. Based on this, together with parts of the general perception of oneself, more subtle ones are formed - not just a “girl”, but a “beautiful-not beautiful-smart-ordinary-smart-interesting, etc. girl.” Not just “boy”, but “strong-sick-weak-smart-handsome, etc. boy.” With development, this process continues, periods of youth and maturity, study, work, social interaction, experience of achievements, and failures are added. But if a person has problems with personal identity, as a rule, this is due precisely to childhood and unformed basic parts of his self.