In the Old Testament, namely in the book of Leviticus, there are lines that describe how priests symbolically take the sins of people and place them on a goat, which is sent into the desert in order to eradicate sins people."And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the living goat, and shall confess over him all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their trespasses, and all their sins, and shall lay them on the head of the goat, and shall send them away with a special man into the wilderness: and the goat shall bear them on he will take all their iniquities into the impassable land, and he will let the goat go into the wilderness.” This kind of “scapegoat” exists to this day. Only no one takes him to the desert, because “he needs such a beast himself.” A scapegoat is someone who is blamed for the misdeeds, shortcomings and mistakes of others (even those that have not yet been committed, but are terribly afraid of them) in order to so that others do not have to take responsibility for these actions. Scapegoating often occurs in families. When family members are faced with problems either in the family or in their own lives and for some reason cannot cope with something within themselves, cannot stand something within themselves, then the one who is appointed as a “scapegoat” (happens this is unconscious), becomes a “carrier” of everything that others cannot cope with. However, this happens not only in the family, but occurs at work, in groups, teams, in the presence of narcissists. And the more dysfunctional the dynamic reigns there, the more it needs to have a “scapegoat” in it. A number of signs by which you can understand that you are a “scapegoat”: 1) You feel (and are treated ) like the black sheep in the flock; 2) You feel like you have to act or defend yourself, showing rebellion during communication; 3) You are looking for the truth in your family, at work, etc., but they simply don’t want to hear it; 4 ) You are compared to other family members/colleagues in a negative way; 5) You are vulnerable and sensitive and they take advantage of this; 6) They conduct a smear campaign against you; 7) You are always blamed for everything, and everything always turns against you; 8) They are projecting their own shortcomings onto you. What to do about it If you recognize yourself by a number of signs, then admit the fact that most likely you are the “scapegoat”. Because you can change what is recognized and named. Know and remember that no one is perfect. You are not to blame and are not obligated to correct the actions of other people, even if it is mom or dad. Don't let the harsh words and actions of others diminish your sense of self-worth. You know who you really are and if your family, colleagues, boss, etc. cannot appreciate this, you should not make excuses, bear their projections. If, despite all your efforts to defend yourself (if there are any, of course), everything still turns against you - get out of such relationships, leave work, refuse contacts where you are stressed and feel bad and always guilty. If for some reason this cannot be done and you need to be in contact with such people, the only thing you can control in such a situation is your own reaction. And it should be.... But here's a surprise! IT SHOULD NOT BE AT ALL. The best thing you can do is to reduce contact to a minimum, not to get involved in controversy, not to make excuses or prove it, to withstand it, to answer briefly and dispassionately. On the outside it may look like you are agreeing with the person, but when you know that you are doing it for yourself, the feeling is completely different. Thank you for reading! I would be glad for your comments and support. Sincerely, Lela Davydova - psychologist, integrative approach . Online and in person Odintsovo and Moscow Sign up for a consultation by phone 8 (903) 265-68-93, or here