If you are not happy with something in life, you need to change it. But is it always possible to do this? Changes can be hampered by various factors: the habit of living in the old way - the notorious unwillingness to leave the comfort zone; fear of being judged/evaluated by others; taking responsibility for your choices and being prepared to deal with the consequences; fear of causing inconvenience/suffering to someone due to your choice, and so on. This is how an internal conflict appears: two needs that cannot be satisfied at the same time. It looks like this: you want to change jobs, but you are afraid to give up stability, a teenager dreams of being independent , but cannot refuse financial support from their parents, the husband/wife understands that they need to get a divorce, but are afraid of traumatizing their child with a divorce, etc. The conflict becomes strong if both needs are very significant, and the choice is not made. In this case, the conflict is forced out of consciousness, and in its place low mood, worries, depression, various neuroses appear, that is, the cause is replaced by a symptom. The older the symptom, the more “neglected” it is, the more difficult it is to find its true cause and solve a psychological problem. A psychologist or psychotherapist can help with this. Question and answer on this topic: Question: “I’m 22 years old and it seems to me that I’m not living my own life, I myself am quite quiet, non-conflict and very homely, but this feeling that this is not mine. I want something completely different. I have frequent depression, I want changes, but I stand still and don’t know where to start. I have a young man who has begun to irritate me more and more with his behavior. Well, he drinks very often, and it infuriates me, because of this we fight and even broke up. He promised that he would stop, but after a couple of weeks everything started again as before.. How can I figure it out? I began to delve into myself more and more. , but this only adds new complexes to me. How to get out of this series of depressions?” Answer: “Elena, hello. You may not notice, but you yourself are answering your own question: “How to get out of this series of depressions?” Do you need changes? You are not satisfied with the life you live, you want changes. You are not satisfied with the fact that your boyfriend drinks, for example. You describe yourself as “quiet, non-conflict, homely,” but for some serious changes in life, completely different qualities are required. It requires determination, assertiveness, sometimes, and the ability to enter into conflict. Perhaps this is why your attempt to understand yourself brings you new complexes: you perceive a discrepancy between who you are now and who you would like to be. This means a way out of depression: continue to move towards a new life. Of course, this is not easy, because you have lived differently all your life. But your depression gives you an impetus for development, it “urges” you to change, and this is a positive moment if you use it correctly. However, it is not always possible to cope alone; in this case, you should seek help from a psychologist. He will guide you correctly and help you not to go astray from the “right path”. Good luck!" Sincerely, Ksenia Smorodinskaya. Family psychologist. St. Petersburg.