Have you ever gotten so angry that you couldn't think straight and ended up doing things that you later regretted? Personally, I have, and more than once. Anger is a very useful emotion that allows others to know that we are dissatisfied with something, and which motivates us to action. For example, anger at someone being treated unfairly can cause us to intervene and correct the situation. But anger obviously also has a darker side. It happens that we feel irritated all the time for no apparent reason. In some cases, we get angry at someone based on false assumptions. The news is full of reports of "crimes of passion" resulting from uncontrolled anger. What leads to excessive anger? The first step to solving an anger problem is to understand what drives it. Let's look at some of the main factors that lead to anger. Unmet Expectations Think about a recent time when something made you angry. Most likely, this happened when your expectations of how things should be were not met. For example, you may feel that someone honked at you unreasonably when you were trying to change lanes, or that a loved one did not do what you expected. When we feel that we have been wronged in some way, we are more likely to become angry. Selective Attention The more we look for reasons to worry, the more we find them. Some of us notice every critical gesture from our partner. The more closely we note instances of potential injustice, the more likely we are to experience intense anger. Biased Thinking Since it is thoughts (or rather, our assessment, perception of a situation) that cause our anger, it is not surprising that biased (or distorted) thoughts increase our anger. People with more intense feelings of anger are more likely to interpret the actions of others as deliberate, reckless, hostile, etc. RuminationHave you ever noticed how you ruminate over and over again about some situation that threw you off balance? This can take the form of dialogue and even an argument with someone who has upset or angered us. Thinking like this can cause just one event to multiply in your mind, increasing your anger and resentment. Strategies for Coping with Excessive Anger Anger often causes us to act quickly and impulsively. Effective ways to manage anger include slowing down our reactions and choosing actions more deliberately, so that in the long run we regret our choices less. Cognitive Anger Management Techniques Examine your thoughts When you are angry, pay attention to what you say to yourself. Are there errors in your thinking? Are there alternative ways of viewing the situation that might be more accurate and less irritating? Know your triggers Many anger management strategies will require knowing in advance what might make us angry. For most of us, there are situations or people that constantly test our patience - such as driving in heavy traffic, being pressed for time, or discussing certain topics with a partner. When we acknowledge a difficult situation, we are better equipped to address it constructively. Question your “shoulds” Thoughts involving “shoulds” often lead to anger, such as “They should have treated me better” or “They should have understood me.” . But while we may indeed expect a certain outcome, there is nothing to say that this will be the case. By questioning our oughts, we can reduce excess anger. Behavioral Anger Management Techniques Get some sleep It is much more difficult to tolerate even minor irritations when we have not had enough rest after a night's sleep. We are also more likely to act impulsively in this case, which can lead to angry outbursts that we later regret. Check out information about getting good sleep if you're struggling with)