From the author: Sharon Wegshida-Cruz"WHAT ARE YOU WORTH? How to learn to love and respect yourself"What is “self”? “SAM” - “oneself”, “personality”, individuality, self-identity. “ST” is short for “value” - something that has a price, is significant, is useful. So, the definition that I would give to “self”: My precious personality, worthy of all blessings. Dependency in human relationships Perhaps the hardest type of addiction, which is especially difficult to fight, is “dependence on people.” Our human community is dependent on relationships between people, and very often we cannot even imagine how good and convenient it is to be an independent person. Often, a child, growing up, very quickly marries and moves from one family to another, without ever becoming an independent person, without having the opportunity to develop his abilities, to develop a unique view of the world. Even in the absence of a marriage contract, people enter into well-known relationships with members of the opposite sex, which do not allow them to appreciate their integrity. Partnership and marriage are very important social institutions, but now we are talking about unhealthy relationships, about dependence on loved ones. This kind of relationship develops in a situation where we need patronage, and not when we act as equal partners. Those who tend to take on the submissive role usually come from families that rewarded helplessness rather than self-reliance. When we turn to another person to fill an inner emptiness, the resulting relationship very quickly moves to the center of our lives. They bring us solace and a sense of comfort, they turn out to be both calming and predictable, and thus we tend to return to them again and again. As the calls are repeated, the addiction grows. There comes a time when the thought of being forced to separate or being abandoned causes us fear, anxiety and tension. A person with an insufficient sense of “self” tries to fill the voids of his “I” with the merits of his partner. He tries so hard to squeeze the positive qualities out of his partner that he, in turn, begins to experience internal emptiness and is looking for someone else who can fill the resulting internal gaps. All available means are used - alcohol, work, food, love relationships, power... Sometimes we try to get the maximum possible from one person, and sometimes we run from partner to partner, trying to achieve the impossible - “selfhood”. “Self” is born only within us. “Self” comes only from “himself.” Dependent partners try to see each other more and more in order to maintain the feeling of security that they experience while being together. When they are separated, they become sad. Even if partners quarrel and cannot get along with each other, they yearn for the convenience and security of a close relationship. The plans of a loved one related to separation and the need to work outside the home are perceived as a threat and bring serious conflicts into their relationship. The full extent of addiction becomes apparent when the relationship breaks down. The nature of addiction is not limited to love relationships. The same can be said about friendship. A dependent relationship can develop between any two people seeking a “self” outside of themselves. The more support they receive from friends, the stronger the addiction becomes. The less “self” a person has, the greater the number of close people; he needs to at least somehow compensate for his inferiority. Such relationships should be distinguished from cases when partners have a high “self” and enrich each other. Mutual enrichment and dependence are two different things. Signs of your dependence on lovers or friends: 1. You are the initiator of most phone calls.2. Insist on spending free time together.3. You tend to talk about your relationship or friendship more often than your partner.4. you are experiencing.