From the author: Source What a strange geometry... “My friend, my roommate in the dorm, always gets into difficult situations... She got involved in a sect... She tried drugs... And now, she’s decided to sign up for someone to organize a company under her name! How does she not understand that this is a scam and they will pin credits on her and whatever!? Together my mother and I were able to dissuade her, she said: “Well, okay...” But actually, I want to move away from her - I can’t live like this anymore... True, it’s very difficult to do - we always have a line to move into a hostel... That’s why it’s like this for now...” I had the opportunity to listen to such a monologue (a real story from a girl) a week ago. Why did I bring it at the very beginning of the text? Because it, like a drop, reflects the behavior of people in Karpman’s triangle “Rescuer-Victim-Persecutor.” Karpman developed the theory of transactional games in psychoanalysis, begun by E. Berne in the book “Games People Play.” According to this idea, all games can be reduced to this triangle - Rescuer-Victim-Persecutor. When the situation escalates, the participants change roles: the Victim becomes the Persecutor, the Rescuer becomes the Victim, the Persecutor becomes the Rescuer. Let's return to our example: in a situation with drugs, a cult and a company, the role of the Rescuer. In a situation with “I want to move out” - the Persecutor. “I can’t leave yet” - Victim. This is how it usually happens - being inside a triangle, the participant runs in a circle, changing roles. “Is this beneficial for me!?” I have not yet met a single person located in such a triangle who would agree that HE CHOOSE his role. Because for each participant in such games there is always some hidden benefit, sometimes not even realized. Almost any film with a dramatic plot can show us such triangles. "Cruel romance". Kharita Ignatievna - Rescuer - “we have no dowry, but with a name, and I have placed all three daughters in good hands.” Larisa, abandoned by Paratov at the height of the novel, is the Victim. Paratov, who cruelly deceived Larisa’s expectations, is the Persecutor. Yuliy Kapitonovich Karandyshev at the moment of unrequited courtship for Larisa is a Victim (this is very clearly visible when Larisa and her mother meet him at the exit from the carriage - pathetic, dejected, with a bouquet and a drooping mustache). Larisa, who agreed to accept his proposal - Rescuer - “only one dignity - he loves me.” Paratov from the Persecutor turns into a Victim when he is forced to marry a “rich bride” and sells the shipping company. Karandyshev, feeling his importance, tries to make everyone in the city, and first of all Larisa’s acquaintances, understand what he is like - he will marry Larisa! - He is already a Persecutor. And so on, and so on - until the moment when Larisa dies at the hands of her Persecutor Karandyshev with the words “You SAVED me...”. Rewatch the film and get new pleasure from this angle - a constant and endless change of roles in the triangle. As you already understood from the description, one person can participate in different triangles, and even be in different roles. What is the benefit of the participants in this exciting game? Firstly, while a person is within the triangle, he allows himself the right not to take responsibility for his life, actions and decisions, and to shift the blame for all his “problems” onto others. Secondly, as a reward-benefit, all participants in the triangle receive bright, great emotions from the process. And the right not to solve your problems. The Persecutor believes that everything is the Victim’s fault, which he informs, either to herself or to the Rescuer. The Persecutor is an important and significant figure, he is right, everyone is to blame. Secretly, the Persecutor also considers himself the engine and initiator of all ongoing processes, which adds even more significance. The victim blames the Persecutor for everything, and has at her disposal a lot of options for emotions and actions: lamentations about..., tears of a ruined life, contrition about the fact that how “everything is worse for me than for others.” The victim is pitiedsympathize. And this is often very pleasant. Finally, everyone forgives her. Well, of course, she suffered so much that she needs to be understood and forgiven. And at the same time, you can safely look for someone who will save you. And then turn into a Pursuer for a while. The Rescuer is the engine of this whole process. He has a leading role in the game, and accordingly, he receives the most vivid and piquant emotions. A feeling of strength and elevation above the Victim - it helps solve problems! It is necessary, important, significant! The ability and moral right to condemn the Persecutor. And at the same time - the opportunity to reset the aggression accumulated in games in other triangles. And after the Victim moves into the role of the Persecutor, and the Rescuer becomes the Victim - emotions about ingratitude, betrayal, use, etc. Once again to the question of the leading role of the Rescuer - the triangle could not exist without him. The victim will never become “just a victim”, without the right and opportunity to cry on the Rescuer’s shoulder and thereby receive rewards for his role. In addition, this is an opportunity to become a Persecutor from a Victim, because there is a Rescuer who will turn into a Victim! Here is such a “vicious circle”... The most striking examples of such triangles are: husband - wife - lover-mistress. Drinking son, husband - relatives. Mother and child. Parents who are not interested in their child’s independence constantly advise something and try to control his life (You don’t know how to do this, you won’t succeed, you’ve always done everything somehow, we know better how it’s better for you! ). The role of parents is the Rescuer. Or - “we have invested our whole lives in ensuring that you live like a person, grow up, learn - and you! Such ingratitude." What is the role of parents? That's right, Pursuer. You can endlessly give examples of such stories, I'm sure you already remember where you've seen something like this. The main thing is to always understand: there is a game, there are participants - which means they all benefit, they want to be in such a relationship! No matter what the participants in the game themselves say...How to break the vicious circle? Is it even possible to break out of such a triangle? It is so familiar, often understandable and familiar from childhood. The roles have been learned. The order is known. Actors for any role are always ready to support the performance... someone is always to blame for the troubles that happen... there is no need to live your own life, set goals, and achieve them. There is always the opportunity to fall into the role of the Victim and receive sympathy. Or become a Pursuer - active, good, correct! Or a Rescuer - significant, preventing, bringing good to people (even if they don’t ask). By the way, Rescuers most often become best friends, mothers, psychologists, teachers... “And everything is so decorous and blah!”, as Vitsin’s hero said in the film “It Can’t Be.” By the way, there, too, all the plots follow the same triangle :)) A person can only get out of this circle himself (I’m sure that having realized which of your friends are in the “vicious triangle” you already wanted to “open their eyes”, start saving... ?).How to do this? The very first thing is the knowledge that such forms of interaction, such games exist. Understanding what distinguishes each of the roles. Of course, observing yourself and others. Observing your thoughts and speech. “How could he!”, “I am for him, and he!”, “So much has been invested, but she turns up her nose!”, “I sacrificed ___ for the sake of!”, “Where would she be without me, she won’t live!”, “ He doesn’t think about me!”, “I love him!”, “Let me do it, I know better how...” These are a small number of examples of thoughts and expressions that should alert us and make us stop and think: not did I fall into one of the roles known to me? And then - your choice! Run in circles - or live your life :) After all, outside the vicious triangle is not a game, but real real Life. With real deep emotions instead of insults and insults, pseudo-Significance, the desire to suppress and subjugate... And then a person communicates with a person, people feel the boundaries and desires of each other, express their true emotions and feelings. And more. We must remember that a person has the right to be what he is: not as smart as you, not