The addict's personality is split. There are two different people in it. One knows nothing about the other. There is no connection between them. One part is kind, loving, caring, responsible, the way he becomes in the best moments of his life, the way his wife fell in love, the way his children adore, the way he really is. But as a result of use, another, painfully altered part appeared. Vicious. Cruel. Selfish. Selfish. Emotionally unbalanced. Irresponsible. This is the result of illness. It is important for close relatives of the user to distinguish between the healthy and the diseased part. And you need to communicate with different parts in different ways. This can be the key to security and peace in the family. You have to love the healthy part. Support her. pay more attention to her. Whatever you pay more attention to grows, increases and begins to dominate. The painful part must be ignored, not given attention. We usually do the opposite and nurture the sick part. If a sick person comes home, don’t open the door. It’s better to warn about this in advance: “If you come drunk, I won’t open the door.” If it breaks, you need to call the police. This is not a person, this is a disease. If he presses for pity: “I’m so tired, everyone has abandoned me, I have no one but you. I didn’t eat anything.”, there is no need to open the door. This is manipulation, a manifestation of the disease. It is important for loved ones to stop indulging the addictions of the addict. This is a manifestation of “tough” love, which can help a dying person. Only in critical conditions does one realize that something needs to be changed in life. Tough love says a firm no. Of course, it’s not easy to withstand manipulation, blackmail, threats and your own pity. But we must remember that a firm “no” opens the door to a healthy life. As long as you indulge, there will be no recovery. In such cases, the patient has no motivation; everything is “good in life.” For an alcoholic to change, a strong emotional shock is needed; half measures do not help. He must really believe that you will not put up with “bad” behavior in the future; you will firmly defend yourself, your safety and your interests. If close relatives do not distinguish between two individuals, then the alcoholic devil grows, grows stronger, and gains strength. Relatives usually say: “... if I leave him with my care, he will disappear. I can’t be so indifferent, because he could die.” They do not notice that when it comes to drinking, the drinker shows unprecedented activity, intelligence, and pressure. This means there are forces that can be directed towards recovery. But loving relatives interfere with their over-concern. We need to give adults the right to choose. This is his life, he has the right to choose, you cannot forbid him to live his own life. His life belongs to him, you cannot live someone else's life. But you have the same right as him to choose: to live or not to live next to the monster, to tolerate or not to tolerate his drunken antics. Just yesterday he had a clean bed, someone was waiting for him at home, there was hot food on the table, but today the door was not opened for him. He will wholeheartedly want to return the lost benefits, warmth and love. Any treatment will be effective if he himself wants it. He will be cured, find a job, buy an apartment, begin to help his mother if she begins to distinguish between her son’s soul and the disease. If the mother does not want to recognize her son’s right to life, then she takes away the very possibility of life from her child, wants to live his life herself. The death of parents in such cases is a benefit for the children. Only thanks to this can they survive. The sick part is powerless over drinking. No amount of persuasion or promises will help. Therefore, alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases. An alcoholic is unable to overcome the craving for drinking. The healthy part agrees to be treated, it is looking for a way out. The patient evades: “I don’t believe it, the treatment doesn’t help, if I want to, I’ll quit.” Anyone who lives next to an addict must remember that if you decide to live with an addict, then live with the healthy part..