Can you boast of the ability to accept something from other people for free: gifts, attention, money? It would seem that there’s nothing complicated about it: they give it to you, take it, and your hands seem to be reaching out, but your mind stops you. Suspicious thoughts and mistrust appear, complexes worsen, and attitudes and habitual rules of life are bursting at the seams. “Why such generosity? Somehow suspicious” “What will I owe for this? What does this even mean?” “How correct is it to accept such a gift?” Why might such a reaction occur? Let's start with suspicion and mistrust. Most likely, such an experience was once obtained. When the gift only looked like a gift, but in fact turned out to be bondage, which you learned about later. Examples are varied in scope: coffee and cake on the first date, which you need to “work off”, and clothes and toys bought for you as a child, for which you need to be grateful for the rest of your life. These are money, telephones, jewelry, cars, apartments, which are given for use only for good behavior and under certain conditions (love, respect, do not contradict, etc.). The relationship is firmly entrenched in my head: if they give something for nothing, then they will put you in jail. chain of debt obligations. There is nothing to dispute here, because this really happens, but it definitely won’t hurt to expand your ideas about people, as well as take care of yourself in situations of uncertainty. Do you know how to clarify everything that raises doubts? In direct text, in words through the mouth: “If I accept this gift, will I owe anything?” or “What does this gift mean?” The question itself can cause confusion for those who wanted to convey some hidden meaning or burden. What does clarification provide? Firstly, you will be able to check with reality and confirm or refute your assumptions. This is true not only with strangers or unfamiliar people, but also with close relatives. It’s even easier with strangers – there’s less room for manipulation. But loved ones often use this tool solely for their own interests. For example, to impose on you a false sense of guilt or shame, poking your nose at everything that was bought, given, or done to you. Secondly, you can show that you and your opinion will have to be taken into account and that they won’t be able to manage you just like that. Well, the decision is yours in any case - either accept or refuse, if the “price” for the gift is too high for you. If for such tricks you will face consequences in the form of resentment, anger and curses, then you will have to practice accepting... no, not gifts, but the feelings of another person. It's a shame when you can't achieve your plans. And surely such communication lasted for a long time and everything worked before: they threw a hook of guilt or shame at you (“Oh, you’re ungrateful!”), and you swallowed it. It’s worth sorting it out and coming up with new rules for relationships, adding at least a little respect. We’ve dealt with dishonest donors, now we need to deal with our cockroaches. Am I worthy of such treatment? Such help and such attention? Is this correct in principle? For example, receiving money as a gift from parents, husbands, friends (the topic of money in general very often intensifies the already hot topic of relationships). Oh, what a heap of thoughts is launched... And at this moment it’s worth understanding yourself and your attitudes about yourself. I’ll risk giving this example: how you can take money from a man/parent. We exclude dishonest intentions and other manipulations on the part of the giver, and what remains? Well, how can that be, it’s indecent. Wrong. It's not accepted that way. What will people say? Let's listen to what those same “people” usually say. About those who drink/beat/cheat – “Be patient.” About a parent who destroyed the psyche of his child - “Respect, this is the father/mother.” About luck, gifts and attention - “Why you? What is it about you?” That is, the logic emerges quite clear: you have to suffer through everything, you have to endure the bad, and in general you have to proudly bear your cross. Only