Pathological jealousy can be viewed from two points of view - when you are the pathological jealous person, and when you are the pathological jealous person. Today I propose to dwell on the first situation and think from this angle: why am I jealous even without any particular reason? Fear of encountering painful feelings The first thing I propose to explore in this context is: what exactly is a person afraid of when he is jealous? Parting, deception, betrayal? Try to understand the feeling that this jealousy protects you from encountering. She is like a guard on a tower in the night who suspects something is wrong. Someone unknown is approaching. Maybe this is the enemy? Or maybe not. But just in case, it’s better to raise the alarm. Which is probably what your jealousy is doing. What does she stand for? Confidence that you are not being deceived? Confidence that there is no one better than you? (for a partner who is jealous of) Confidence that you will not be abandoned? During the conversation, it may turn out that the person has already experienced betrayal by a partner. And here it is important to explore the feelings that he encountered then. Here are common options, but you don’t have to choose from them, something of your own may come up: That he can be betrayed, and for his partner this will not be some kind of gross violation, That his hope for an honest relationship has collapsed, he is not worthy of a good relationship, That the one he loves, is not as good a person as he seems, and his feelings deceive him. Uncertainty Anxiety In every couple, boundaries must be defined about what will be considered acceptable and what will not. In some couples, partners agree, for example, not to dance with others. And in other couples, kissing others is acceptable. In many couples, when communicating, it may become clear that the boundaries of what is “acceptable” differ between partners. And it is better to clarify this at the beginning of the relationship and agree, as they say, “on the shore.” It is precisely this kind of uncertainty that often causes anxiety and jealousy. Fear of letting go of control. Often among jealous people there are people who are used to controlling everything and thus feeling safe. Loss of control is often associated with danger. All you have to do is relax - bam! something bad is bound to happen. This pattern may be present in traumatized individuals. Thus, once trusted, they were helpless before the attack. In order not to find themselves in this terrible state again, it is important for them to keep everything under control, even their loved one. Low self-esteem There is a category of people who immensely adore their partner and regard him as a great success in their life. How could such a wonderful man or such a gorgeous girl just look in my direction? Is this my mate? If a person feels much “lower in status” than his partner, he will constantly be haunted by the thought that his partner deserves better, and there are plenty of people around him who will be his “equals.” These are the most common situations that come up when analyzing such a request . Jealousy is a natural feeling that encourages competition and stems from the desire to possess a partner. But when it becomes flooding and drying up, it can destroy relationships and further poison life. Without trust, close relationships are impossible, and if jealousy gets in the way of trust, it is imperative to clarify what underlies it.