From the author: For loving parents. Another school year has begun and parents again began to come to my psychologist's office with complaints that the child does not want to sit down for lessons, is capricious, when she gets ready for school, she fights with her classmates... Mothers often tell us what methods of influence they used to change unwanted behavior: they explain, convince, threaten, physically punish, limit games, walks and other pleasures... The focus of mothers’ attention is in these cases, it becomes behavior that they see and which they, the teacher, someone else does not like, and they try to change it in the ways available to them. It is not easy for some parents to deal with the fact that the child is crying. They don’t know how to react and try to stop the tears with messages like the following: “Don’t cry, you’re a boy,” “You’re already an adult, stop crying, you need to go to school,” “I have to go to work, and you’re being a bitch here,” and etc. By hearing this, the child receives the message that his feelings are not important. It happens that they don’t even ask him why he’s crying, mistaking everything for childish whims. And sometimes a little person simply cannot explain (after all, children do not have the same level of awareness as adults) or are afraid to say what is happening to them. It happens that he is ashamed or afraid to admit something. After all, mom and dad expect success and achievements from him. And in order not to disappoint and not lose their love, he remains silent, left alone with his feelings. Children who are constantly shamed, frightened, criticized, punished begin to feel unvalued, rejected, defenseless, alone with their experiences and needs. I , of course, I cannot retell in this article all the possible causes of children's tears and other experiences. The inner world of every adult and little person is individual. And only by entering into dialogue can I understand something and help. Help, for example, to meet the inner worlds of children and parents, beginning to understand each other’s feelings and respond to them with appropriate actions. After all, only by recognizing what a child is afraid of, what he is offended by, what he suffers from, can we find a way to support him. And when feelings change, behavior will change. Often, unfortunately, we adults tell children only about what we are proud of and rarely admit our weaknesses. We don’t share that we were also called names at school and how we dealt with it, that we were also afraid of something in childhood, and are still afraid of something. We ourselves sometimes cannot recognize our feelings and cannot cope with our anxiety, fear, anger, shame, taking our condition out on loved ones. The child also begins to behave “badly” because something is happening to him inside. And it is important for us, parents, to be interested in this, so that our children feel our love. “How do you feel?”, “What’s happening to you?” - these are the questions that are useful to ask your child so that he understands that he and his feelings are significant to you, that you notice and hear him. Not everyone can immediately switch their focus from external (behavior) to internal ( feelings). The reasons may be different. I am glad that every year more and more parents begin to trust psychologists and seek help in order to change their usual destructive ways of reacting in certain situations and create warmer and more trusting cooperative relationships with their children. Unfortunately, in some cases, this path can be long and requires patience, as well as the ability and inner willingness to face difficult experiences. I am ready to professionally support those who decide to follow this path, starting to live together with their loved ones all the joys and hardships of life. More love and warmth to you, dear parents, in your relationship with your children!