From the author: Everything that happens to us is the result of our choice. It is not the forces of heaven, but our own choice and the boundaries of this choice that determine our destiny. What can I personally do? What does the life I can live look like? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my “share” and what is “destined for me”? And the most important thing is the Price. What will I have to pay if I suddenly dare to go beyond the boundaries of what is permitted. Everything that happens to us is the result of our choice. It is not the heavenly forces, but our own choice and the boundaries of this choice that determine our destiny. In small things and in big things, we choose based on what is in our picture of the world and what we can choose from all of this. “The king once issued The animals have a decree that every animal must come to him at the designated time in order to become lunch for the lion. The wolf walks around marking everyone on a piece of paper - who will come on what day of the week. I reached the hare: “Hare, your day is Friday!” Understood?" "Understood! Is it possible not to come?” "Can. So, we cross out the hare...” And is that also possible? We don’t notice many of the opportunities offered by the world, because they simply don’t exist for us. For some it is, but for us it is not. Therefore, other people's success stories have an educational, healing effect - they show that “this is also possible.” Someone allows themselves to live a life that I don’t even have in my picture of the world. Thus, people expand our understanding of the possible, and we can at least look in the other direction, outside our corridor. Well, okay, enough of our dreaming. Most dreams remain where they belong - in fantasies and dreams, because who -Of course, it may be so, but definitely not me. This kind of life is not for me. A child who dreams of an expensive bicycle knows that he will never get it - there is no such money in his family. “It’s not harmful to dream,” mom will say, wiping her hands on her apron. At least dream about it! You can dream, but you cannot have. A child who often has a sore throat knows that no matter how tasty and desirable ice cream is, he cannot have it. Everyone is allowed, but he is not allowed. Unspecified, but clear boundaries of “what I can” determine the boundaries of choice in actions, in actions - where a person allows himself. Author of the photo: Igor Kliminova And people like me can...? You can ask to turn off the air conditioner , if it’s blowing, move the chair, choose a better place? Can you refuse if you don’t like it, or do you have to eat what they give? Can I express my opinion or must I unquestioningly submit to authority? Is it possible to want and have something that my parents don’t have and never had? Is it possible to do something that no one in our family has done before me? It would seem, of course, to grow, develop and get everything you want for the joy of yourself and your family. But no! The covenants of the family and the accepted, habitual way of life are no one has not been cancelled. A young couple with a large plot of land plants it with potatoes every year. They dig, they work hard, most of the harvest is lost, but they cannot deny themselves this annual program, since “the land should not be empty.” They can’t plant everything with lawn grass - “that’s not customary among people.” Someone can do this, of course, but not them. This kind of life is not for them. And there are no longer living parents - those who could scold, force, convince to plant these potatoes. Yes, and it's not necessary. Mom and dad - they are not nearby, but in our heads. We all left our family. From generation to generation, our family, like a river, paved its channel, it determined its banks and direction of movement - what to strive for and what to want, how many children and when to give birth, what education to receive, what wealth to have, what is accepted and what is not. . How people who belong to our clan and our family live. Every cricket knows its own nest. Each family has its own boundaries of what is permitted. Some people can lead an army, while others can become a general. director of a large company feels out of place. “The shirt is not made for me..”; “There are better candidates for this position”; “For some reason I swung too hard, as if I wouldn’t tear my belly button.”“The biggest thing I should have dreamed of was a rented apartment in Chelyabinsk, and an inexpensive foreign car on credit, but I wasted!” We didn’t live richly and there’s nothing to start with. And the person feels unworthy of such a life, as if it’s not his that's life. He has no right to be here, not by rank, not by status, not by right of birth. He didn’t come from there and there was no “like that” in their family. Therefore, he builds his life as if he were just a guest at this celebration of life - he unconsciously tries not to linger in periods of prosperity for a long time, as if there is a norm of happiness and wealth measured out to him personally, and it is absolutely forbidden to cross it. Know your place. Keep your head down, This is not for us...For several generations, members of many Russian families survived thanks to their ability to be content with little and “keep their heads down.” This survival strategy was adequate to the country's policy. The entire system was designed to eradicate dissent and keep the people within strict limits. Showing initiative and vigorous activity was not only not accepted, but mortally dangerous. At any moment, a person could find himself outside the law - a “traitor” and an “enemy of the people.” Every family has memories of difficult, traumatic events that family members have experienced, and what happens to those who dare to even think differently. And even if these events were never spoken out loud, the memory of them, as a testament for the future, is stored in the unconscious of the family system. Each family member feels with his “spinal cord” what happens to those who dare to go beyond what is permitted. Be faithful to the covenants of the family. Remaining faithful to the family means unconsciously or consciously making the same choices as grandmother and mother, grandfather and father.... “Choose a kind, flexible guy as your husband. Be the head of the family and take care of your husband and children yourself, as I did.”....”Find a person to have children from him, but so that you cannot live with him. And stay with your two children, proud and self-sufficient, like all the women in our family.”…”Find yourself a woman as punishment so that you can suffer just like me. And don’t even think about being happy with her!”…”Choose a disease for yourself, the same as I chose, then you will prove that you are really my daughter.”…”Serve people. Sacrifice all of yourself. And then maybe you will reach the greatness of your father and me. Maybe then we will be able to accept you as a worthy continuation of our family.”Daring to go beyond the family picture of the world is like going into outer space. Flying beyond the boundaries of your native universe, where no one has gone before. Become a pioneer. And thereby expand opportunities for your entire family. From now on, they too will be “allowed.” ) Author of the photo: Anna KorsakovaBut courage does not pass without a trace - you have to pay for the right to live a different life. Payment for happiness. In a country where 8 million people died of hunger and 26 million did not return from the war, it is not customary to show your happiness. In every family history has its traces of these huge tragedies. Most of those who survived found themselves in unpayable debt to those who died or died of starvation. And this debt can only be paid with your life. Giving oneself one piece at a time, for example, performing one operation after another, as my own grandmother did. Often joy, happiness, tenderness, tenderness in ordinary things, and maybe well-being and prosperity are prohibited in the family. The roots of this prohibition lie in family history. And in every family they are different. Those who violate this prohibition voluntarily, but unconsciously, can pay not only for happiness, but even for thoughts about it. In some families, it is traditional to pay with their body. “Every year, starting from my 20s , I couldn’t survive a single holiday without getting sick. When the children were born, as soon as we invited guests, one of the children would become very ill. After a while, we stopped inviting guests into the house. Any anniversary, guests or pleasant event, for example, a long-awaited trip abroad - I get sick, yes