Sometimes, you involuntarily think: “Why, in general, do adults give birth to children? Why do they need children? And what, in general, do adults understand by the words “education”, “socialization”? For me, upbringing and socialization are all the same - neuroticism... Sometimes, despite upbringing, children become good, and adults grow up with the children. But here I'm talking about something else. I want to outline what important decisions an unloved, unwanted child can make in infancy, and maybe even in the womb. “Unwanted” is a vague concept. Which relative is bothered by the birth of this child, when, for what reason - it is always different. But always an equally unloved child, being rejected, abandoned, is truly heartbroken: after all, his loved ones rejected him. This is a terrible tragedy, especially considering that he did nothing to deserve such punishment. The first year of a child’s life is unconscious, he lives only by instincts, he is helpless in the world of adults, abandonment and dislike causes fear of death. And so, with his rudiments of mind, he “makes” a vital decision (one of those listed below): “Since no one loves me...1. … I will die". Perhaps Sudden Infant Death Syndrome during sleep is associated with this decision.2. ...I won’t love myself either.” This is how a masochistic character is formed.3. ... I will love myself.” This is how a narcissistic neurotic character is formed. A masochistic child grows up weak, whiny, with a bunch of chronic diseases. He grows into a person who tries to survive all his life. Variants of masochism and types of survival games with a tendency to self-destruction are alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic psychosomatic diseases, love addiction, driving fast... Masochists put the ability to survive at the forefront of their lives, as their only advantage. They are always close to death, always on the edge, but they do not cross the line of Life-Death (well, if only by accident), they feel when they need to stop. Their whole life is whining, complaining, self-flagellation (moral masochism), a tendency to harm themselves and torment others. This attitude limits a person and hinders further development. A narcissistic character is characterized by aggression, competition, self-confidence, and arrogance. He, just like a masochist, is incapable of truly loving. The drive and determination inherent in him lead him to success, which is so welcomed in our society, but also give rise to neurotic disorders. There is always a fear of failure with increased responsibility. He is full of ambitions that constantly keep him on his toes. There is no peace and relaxation in his life. The narcissist, just like the masochist, tries to survive, as he was once abandoned in his crib in infancy. Survival is the leitmotif of the lives of people who were deprived of love in childhood. A person whose entire energy is aimed at survival is not capable of prosperity and creativity. Survival was important then, in childhood, when the child was dependent on his parents and could not take care of himself. But then the time comes to move on to the next step after survival - to healing and prosperity. “If we stop at the stage of survival, without moving on to prosperity, we will thereby impoverish ourselves, limit our energy only to ourselves, and cut our power in this world by more than half. A person can be so proud of his ability to survive that it becomes an obstacle to further creative development. Sometimes people are afraid to part with the title of survivor and move on: after all, it is a title, a badge of honor, an achievement that one can be proud of,” writes Clarissa Pinkola Estes in the book “Running with the Wolves.” Distinction to win the love of loved ones. Man is created for prosperity and creation, or for survival?