“I can no longer stand communicating with my mother,” a client shared the other day. “My mother gave birth to me early, and she always said that we were something like friends. She shared everything with me. But since adolescence, I began to feel some kind of pressure, that she was constantly evaluating me and comparing me with herself, often not in my favor. He’ll look and say something like: “But I was slimmer at your age,” “And who are you so stooped over? Obviously not into me...” I'm tired of dissatisfaction, complaints, competition and criticism. Whatever I did, everything could have been done better. Every aspect of my life is compared, put under a microscope. Mom experiences her failures much more easily. She is always cooler, better, she has experience in life. It is impossible to defend an opinion and argue - my mother immediately starts looking for a tonometer, reminding me of who she is and who I am, and in general, what it cost her to raise me - “puts me in my place.” At worst, it all ends with a mocking laugh and a reminder that I need to be simpler, but I don’t have a sense of humor. Mom is always “sick,” although it is clear to everyone that she is healthier than all of us put together. I hate her, and it really hurts.” It would seem much more logical to expect sincere pride and joy from our parents for our successes. But what to do if the person closest to you sees you only as a more successful competitor in the race of life? The inner child is a “part” of our personality. It stores all our memories, feelings, reactions, needs, attitudes towards ourselves and others, patterns of behavior that we have preserved from our childhood. With the advent of the baby, a woman unconsciously remembers her childhood. If throughout her childhood she felt loved, accepted in her family, first of all by her mother, the woman’s gaze directed at her child is filled with love and joy. If a woman’s childhood was filled with misunderstanding, rejection, and resentment, her inner child involuntarily comes into competition with the real child. A feeling of rivalry arises, which can last for more than one year, because the child needs everything that the mother so needed: attention, care, support : “her life couldn’t be better than mine.” The growing anger contradicts the woman’s idea of ​​a “good” mother. An internal conflict arises between the desire to be a “proper” mother and deal only with the child and the desire to pay attention to oneself in order to meet the needs of the inner child. So, the daughter becomes a friend who is simply annoying (young, everything is ahead, an interesting and vibrant life, boyfriends). Anger and jealousy, not expressed directly, result in criticism and arguments in a “fight” with a rival. What to do? Evaluate your strengths, determine what you need. If you feel that you yourself are supporting the confrontation, put the hatchet aside and stop the war. Monitor your attempts to gain maternal approval and praise - they are doomed to failure. Do not forget about personal boundaries. You can discuss relatives, colleagues, neighbors, but not you and your personal affairs. Your personal life and decisions are yours alone. As well as responsibility for the results and consequences in it. Protect your feelings and cultivate the ability to be emotionally self-sufficient. Praise and support the little girl inside you: “You’re doing great. You did it,” “You can handle it.” Notice and reward yourself for the smallest achievements. By doing this, you encourage your inner child and help yourself move forward. To make an appointment, use WhatsApp: +7 953 483 4833. I will be glad to help you!