At the first appointment, Natasha said: “I have a good mother. She raised me as best she could.” Natasha described her difficult situation as her inability to discuss problems. “I am leaving the discussion and keeping silent. I'm waiting for my husband to figure out what happened. And before, I just ended the relationship right away.” Andrei also said at the first reception: “Let’s just avoid this Freudian thing. Childhood has nothing to do with it.” He described his situation as incontinence, incontinence of anger. Natasha grew up without a father and was the only daughter. Mom worked a lot: “She gave me everything she could give.” I feel like I have to give her back for this, otherwise it’s not even discussed. Mom always said: “...and there won’t even be anyone to bring a glass of water...” - at that moment I felt that I was not there. I learned early to hide my irritation. And she sincerely considered herself worthless. It's always difficult for me to speak up. My strategy is to stick my head in the sand and avoid the discussion, or swallow what I don’t like. Andrey had a tough father. His parenting principle: physical punishment is an excellent way to resolve any misunderstandings. Slaps and slaps instead of explanations were a normal story. And Andrei is “grateful to him for his science,” because “it is unknown where I would have slipped.” He is a “man of action” and has always believed that emotions interfere with common sense, and emotional people are “to some extent flawed.” Suddenly he became prone to fits of anger with his own child. Methods of education leading to emotional deprivation Emotional deprivation is a reduction or complete deprivation of the ability to satisfy emotional needs, consisting in insufficiency, poverty or complete lack of contact with people. What methods of education did Natasha’s mother and Andrei’s father use? The families were completely different - both in composition and in methods of education, but at the same time, each of them had a feeling in the family that emotions and feelings needed to be hidden as deeply as possible. Ignoring. - Mom didn’t beat me, she just pretended that I am no more. And this could last for weeks. This painful silence tormented me from the inside. I did everything to attract her attention, but it was useless. The only thing that could interrupt this ignore was some kind of feat. For example, a complete cleaning of the apartment or an A in math. Then she could thaw out, and said: “Now do you understand? Why are you bothering me like this?” But at the same time she continued to frown and purse her lips. And I thought that I was very, very bad and she did me a big favor by starting to communicate with me. The biggest fear that has lived in us since cave times is rejection by our mother. The second most powerful fear is rejection by a social group. For a child rejected by his mother, survival is still a difficult and painful process. And in those days, rejection by the mother and expulsion from the social group meant certain death. A child who is ignored experiences the same fear, and a little later, when he is able to appreciate the injustice of the punishment, bewilderment and anger. But at the same time, expressing these emotions becomes meaningless, since he is “not heard or seen.” And sometimes they can also punish you. The child concludes: “Showing emotions is pointless and sometimes dangerous.” And it transmits this further to all relationships. Interruption of contact. “If something didn’t suit her, she simply refused to discuss it. And this happened every time she disagreed with me. For example, when I was 13 years old, I asked to go to my friend’s place for an overnight stay on March 8th - all the girls from our class were there. We were going to have a party, watch a movie, fool around, dance, and didn’t plan anything “like that” at all. A friend lived in a neighboring house. But my mother was categorically against it: “I don’t want to discuss this, it’s pointless!” I felt humiliated. I took part in the discussion and organization of the party, and then they let everyone go except me. “This is not discussed!”, “Because I said so!” —