From the author: Strange, chaotic and completely personal thoughts about themselves, women and other men, something between autobiography and comprehension of men’s reality in life with women. I will add more gradually. This is such a strange topic that one word about it is enough for both men and women to wave their hands and say: “Well, I already know that about him (her).” Although if you imagine, we are completely different, completely different people, but in some unimaginable way we forget about this due to relationships, friendship, love. And no matter how hard we try to understand each other, we are doomed to constantly be surprised, admired, enchanted, offended, angry, misunderstood and still love!!! I’m a man, and I’ll try to tell you a little about myself, but so that it’s about everyone. I don't know if it will work. But if I start, I will say that for as long as I can remember, I thought about myself and women in the most different ways, and sometimes frightening and attractive at the same time. About myself and about us: No matter how a man ages, he still remains a man, I remember when I was 18 years old, I thought about women of 30 years old - “They are old, they should probably be called you.” And now I’m 25 and, looking at 30-40 year old girls, I think about how beautiful, experienced, sweet they are and that I’m attracted to them as women. Although there, at 18 and now - I compare myself in the mirror and think to myself - but it turns out I’m still the same 17-year-old boy who came to the city to enter a university and study as a psychologist. And nothing changes... The same thoughts, the same me - just plump and even a little grayer, the same drives, the same habits, no, this does not mean that great good has bypassed me in the form of self-development and personal growth, yes, BUT – I’m still the same. It’s just that I am real and HE was then... And when I think that I will soon turn 50 years old, and I say there that I was also here now then, - uhhhh, it’s already breathtaking, and my brain creaks from such tension. I remember when I first started looking at girls - in kindergarten... There was one girl and she was just a beauty, they later told me that we even sat next to each other on the potties, but I remember something else, how I climbed into her bed and lay down next to her, and then he started looking into the panties - I wondered what was there! And I remember later at home I kissed my girlfriend, we played wedding - it was cool, as cool as we could, we folded our lips into a bow and pecked each other on the lips. In fact, I didn’t know anything about women, my father came to see me one day (I was already 13 years old at the time) and very carefully, shyly asked about what I knew, or rather not - when he was worried, he managed to pose the question in such a way, and didn’t he found words - so his phrases turned out something like this: “Well, Igor, this, you know, this, well, you understand, about the girls, what’s there?”, while blushing terribly, he asked me. I loved my father, although he drank terribly, and I felt sorry for him then and said that I knew everything. And indeed, I had already found a file of an old newspaper, speed-info, and it was the Bible, and when I found the book “O Emmanuel” in the library, it was just something, and I, therefore, became a frequent visitor to our village library, and since no one I walked in and the librarian immediately noticed me. I remember then putting books about Emmanuelle between other books about science fiction and knowing that she would find it anyway, I immediately blushed... At the age of 14 I experienced my first orgasm, no, it was not sex in my understanding, and indeed sex in general in my understanding then didn’t exist at all, somehow in the family they didn’t say anything about it, and as far as I can remember I never caught my parents - well, you understand... It happened completely by accident in the bath, and then I somehow started masturbating myself - I still remember how - somehow I learned about these funny myths about masturbation - I was very afraid of everything and even began to control myself and get rid of this bad habit, but no matter what I did, it still somehow happened that I “broke it out” again))) And I also remember that somehow we didn’t talk about it at all, we remained silent like that…