It was this amazing phrase that I heard from the client’s lips: “Yes, I can play chess during sex.” It was said so vividly, deliciously, richly, with emotional fervor and sacred knowledge. I remember asking this young and beautiful woman for permission to use her phrase in the article. She smiled sweetly and gave her consent. In this article we will not talk about an attractive and intelligent chess player, despite the fact that she is an amazing woman. Our topic is devoted to a particularly important point in the topic of sexuality and sexology - the belief system. We will look at values, beliefs, attitudes. We will remember everything that we believe in on the topic of sexuality, with which we have filled ourselves, in the process of our growth and development. Surprisingly, I can quite confidently say that quite often the topic of sexology is filled exclusively with the knowledge that sexual intercourse is present. And that’s it, for many, with this understanding, knowledge ends. If in women’s memories you can still find information: “oh, horror, how can you talk about this,” or “shame and disgrace,” “debauchery and whoredom.” It is quite often noted in men that there is emptiness (they didn’t talk about this with mom, dad had no time, friends and comrades enlightened me). The topic of sexuality is empty, there are no beliefs, no values, or any information, except for sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is an action. Sorry, picking your nose is also an action. Let's consider an action that is well known to everyone - writing text. We didn’t immediately come to writing the text, we got acquainted with verbal (spoken) speech, then we got acquainted with written speech, before that there were our thoughts and images, then we got acquainted with letters and the first pencil, then the pen. They carefully drew hooks and sticks, and later they began to make letters, from the letters into words, and then into sentences. We go through approximately the same long path before action - sexual intercourse. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in our thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, actions, roles and relationships. Let's return our gaze to the wise stories of grandmothers. What did they tell us about sex? Maybe we remember the phrases: “baby, never lose your head with these men! They will turn your head, they don’t need anything else.” With such a kind and sincerely caring message from grandmother, we will not only play chess, but in the process of sexual relations, we will easily prove Fermat’s theorem. What if a similar message came from mom, reinforced by Aunt Manya, approved by Aunt Frosya? We are already almost adults, we are 10 - 15 years old, we turn our heads and greedily absorb information about sex, and more, more. Some say - cool! Others are afraid that they will use it and abandon it. We watch our mother’s friends, our neighbors and draw our own conclusions: they were abandoned there, they were used there, they suffer there, and there is some kind of bullshit in general. A couple of years ago, at one of the city schools, we talked with high school students about love, family, marriage, and sex. About 60 students took part in our meeting. When we looked at the system of beliefs, values ​​and beliefs in sexual and love relationships, and wrote down our conclusions on the board, we ended up with only three concepts: romance, habit and burden (the cross and fate were added). No matter what our beloved adults tell us, you and I know that they wanted to keep us safe and protect us. They wished us well. And their warnings make sense. There is also meaning in the phrase “he’ll screw up and quit.” And boys were generally told horror stories about girls (it’s better for us girls not to know about these horror stories). There is truth in these horror stories, yes. You and I have a deep-seated fear: for women - to be used, for men - to be swallowed. I suggest you remember your personal settings, your personal memories. What did your older relatives tell you? What value did they put into the concept of sex? What information did they share with you? What are yours).